How do you flirt successfully? This is a problem I have realised we all have come across at one point or another in our lives and it has been a focus of mine recently.
I would love to sit here and come up with a complete full-proof list of flirting guidelines for both sexes. However, I feel I am completely inexperienced in this area. It seems that no recipe of flirting success can be guaranteed. I mean there are a few generalisations and tips as a rule of thumb. For example, men cannot take hints or subtlety in any capacity and need our feelings spelled out for them! What if this means scaring them away? It is simply just a minefield and no amount of analysing ever seems to find a sure resolution.
We have the old fashioned customs detailing of how the guy should always make the first move. However, I have always been a firm believer that there is no reason why a girl can't do the same. It's films like He's just not that into you that depict single women as needy and desperate disasters who spend their time pining after missed opportunities, exes and men way out of their league. The complete message of that film is that no girl should ever take a chance on a guy or show him any interest at all, as the men hold the complete power and if they don't make a move then they are just not that into you! Sorry but I completely disagree with this belief. Which is probably why most of my friends after seeing the film, said that the main character (an annoying, womanising, desperate girl) was modelled on me! Great.
I guess the reason there are no rules for this, is that attraction, connection and love are all measured completely differently from person to person. To steal a quote from another great Rom Com, Win a date with Tad Hamilton, 'Everyone has their Tad Hamilton', For anyone who hasn't seen the film, Tad is like Brad Pitt! Meaning that everyone has a person they crave and fancy so much that they are like a famous pinup to them and for everyone that person is different. I often find myself looking at a slightly mismatched couple and quite judgmentally wondering how they have come to be together. Then logic sets in and I realise, that they simply just love each other.
Maybe it is the circles I travel in but I seem to find that men are often hypocritical when it comes to what they want from women. It is said in magazines galore that men like a strong woman, they like someone who can look after herself, they like curves and confidence. However the women I always seem to see men after, are apathetic, wimpy females, who believe it is attractive to seem completely helpless and unintelligent. Maybe men turn to these women because they are an easy target and are therefore willing to pander to their requests, who knows?
Also how do we measure the words 'fancy' or 'flirt'? Some people would say they fancy someone they just like the look of in a bar, but others would say they cannot fancy someone they don't actually know. Fancy is defined as an 'amorous love' which doesn't indicate any relevance to outward appearances. Still it is strange how we can simply be drawn to someone just from the way they look. Nowadays especially for the younger generation I'd say sexual attraction plays a huge part in the initial making a move process. When it comes to flirting there are so many different techniques, the whole thing gets quite confusing! For starters some people are natural flirters and incorporate a cheeky, flattering, tactile, humour into their personality with everyone they meet, this can often be very puzzling to the opposite sex. Others however are very reserved and would be able to successfully hide their feelings for another, for a vast amount of time without anyone catching on.
What I find hard is trying to figure out if the object of your desire would even be remotely interested in you at all! This is so difficult without making an obvious move and then being given an obvious yes/no answer back. I guess like everything flirting takes patience, something most of us do not have. In our busy, hectic lives everything moves so fast and we expect love and attraction to begin and continue rapidly in this ongoing motion. It also depends on the person you are. Some people can move on from their potential points of interest quite quickly, whereas others only invest time in the people they believe to be their soul mate, these objects of unrequited love then become attached to someone else, and are so labelled,'the one that got away'. (This is also the name of a great Pink song from her fourth album I'm not Dead)
One point that always comes up is to not look for love or relationships, as they will find you. Again I sometimes disagree with this point, much like the disagreement over whether luck is a random ray of sunshine shone down from a higher being, or simply the result of a man's own actions. I think love can be written in the stars, or put down to fate, the gods, the planets, or anything believed to have a gravitational pull, scientifically or metaphorically on human beings on earth. However, I also believe we can make our own luck by putting our feelings on the line when it matters, and stepping into the firing line knowing we may get burnt. Otherwise how do we learn if what we are feeling is real? At this point it comes down to strength of character, endurance, and our ability to bounce back from rejection that allows us to decide if this path is right for us.
All I will say is that only we can know what what we really want from a situation and how much we feel we are in control of it, even if this means facing an emotion we feel we cannot. I turn to the words of a great but rather unknown musician to sum up my point, Belinda Gillett - The Girl who disappeared, 'Don't throw your life away in fear'.
*fool-proof (as in even a fool couldn't fuck it up)
ReplyDeleteNow, obviously I'm not much help in finding a man lol but I think the best bet is to always just be yourself. Talk to someone, be nice and friendly. Smiles go a long way. Don't be too forward 'cause it's a little scary sometimes. Don't stare for too long 'cause that's scary too - I mean like staring and not talking. Go say hello. Think of a reason to talk, something to talk about. Just talk normally, like two humans as opposed to 'flirting', that way you can work out if you're even going to like the guy before you throw yourself out there.
Body language is important. Reading theirs too... Is he looking at your lips? Casual touching, like of the arm, small of the back etc.
Maybe this is just 'cause I'm a wuss though lol so don't do the 'hey i'ma flirt with you' thing, but it works well enough I reckon. I normally get the attention I want this way or realise I don't want their attention after all without embarrassing myself. Maybe that's just 'cause I rarely want attention though lol