Tinder: Yes or No?

I still find myself very confused and frustrated with online dating. I discussed the problems of this in a previous post in April last year:  Internet dating or Internet failing (http://obsessedkim-butterflymind.blogspot.co.uk/2014/04/internet-dating-or-internet-failing.html)

More recently I find I am a particularly unsatisfied consumer when it comes to one specific app: Tinder.

Its description in the App Store, is very broad and general 'Tinder is the fun way to connect with new and interesting people around you' therefore not labelling itself as a dating app per se. The last line reads 'it's a new way to express yourself and share with friends' Again very non-committal but,  I don't remember choosing my 'friends' based on how they look.

For anyone who hasn't seen the delights that Tinder has to offer, you are given pictures of people in your area and swipe left for no and right for yes. If you both like each other then you are matched and can chat on the app. I believe this puts Tinder in the same bracket as dating websites like Plenty Of Fish and Okcupid as they also offer this feature, are free to join and you can message people as much as you like.

Other dating websites like Match.com and Eharmony, require payment to join and promote a more lengthily matching system; whereby the potential for finding long lasting relationships is believed to be greater, as the participants have put a financial investment into their dating life.

All dating websites have different stigmas and reputations. Some say Tinder is the heterosexual version of Grinder - a homosexual dating app especially designed to match people in their immediate location for sexual encounters. Therefore if this belief is true, Tinder would not be the best option for those wanting a relationship.

In my personal experience I have not found Tinder to provide a successful platform to strike up conversations of length. I find the layout of a website with messages promotes more conversation  than a chat stream which is more likely to provide one word responses. Therefore I think subconsciously I have never had the faith in Tinder to preserve long enough to actually meet someone. Yet, friends of mine have not had any trouble with Tinder and have managed to fill whole weekends meeting different guys for actual dates.

I wonder if there is something I am doing wrong. It is pretty binary out there in the Tinder dating world. After the usual, 'Where are you from?' 'What do you do?' questions are out the way, the next is usually, 'What are you here for?' 'Do you want some fun?'  Now I'm not suggesting that all men on tinder are only looking for sex, however from my experience it seems the general view of men in their mid twenties, is that they do not time for a girlfriend,or cannot be bothered with the actual dating game. Are we now so spoilt by the immediacy of internet dating that we are too lazy to even go on a date with a potential match?

One thing I do like about tinder is that it provides a way to be brutal and not apologise for it. If someone only wants sex they will say so and you can decline or accept their offer and there's no hard feelings. I have always preferred this 'rip off the plaster' approach when it comes to dating and Tinder is no exception.  Why waste time? There's plenty more fish in the sea, and they are all a swipe away... If they can be bothered to swim to you!

Fifty Shades of Opinions

Everyone else has an opinion on the 'Fifty Shades Trilogy’ by E.L. James so I thought it was time for mine.

According to Zoe Williams from theguardian.co.uk 'It's the fastest selling adult novel of all time.' This obviously shows the type of fiction the masses of the 21st Century want to read, albeit mainly women. It’s even a source of relaxation for the Olympians! Alicia Coutts Australian swimmer says in The Herald Sun 'Most of the swimming girls are reading Fifty Shades of Grey. We’re all talking about it.' However the majority of the reviews have been quite negative and dismissive. The books have been universally labelled as 'Mummy Porn' tying in with the creation of 'TwiMoms' from the 'Twilight Saga' of Stephanie Meyer. Which incidentally, the fifty shades books originated from in fan-fiction form.

You can see that the plot of this trilogy does loosely follow that of the saga, minus the vampires and in the place of abstinence, Fifty Shades of course has S&M. Set in Seattle; it follows Anastasia Steel a university student who covers for her room-mate last minute to interview Christian Grey a gorgeous business mogul. Evidently a romance ensues, and it depicts Christian as the unbelievably rich sadist with the dark past and Ana as the virgin student who is clumsy with low self-esteem (remind you of anyone... *cough* Bella)

Escapeintolife.com finds her character lacking 'First of all, Ana manages to graduate college without ever being drunk, ever having sex, and without owning a laptop.' Personally I think there are other ways to criticise the characters as owing to personality and financial means, all of the above could actually be possible. As the recent Channel 4 documentary highlighted, Ana has sex on a very regular basis and never seems to contract cystitis! We can also allow that she is aroused frequently given that Christian is supposed to be an Adonis; however the books suggest that she can orgasm on cue, repeatedly! A feat most women would admit is not altogether realistic!

When it comes to Christian I am less affronted by his bedroom habits and more by his traits as a boyfriend. The perks of his wealth may be that Ana has access to every technical gadget on the market, but that also means that he is always aware of her whereabouts and practically stalks her to ensure her safety. Irrelevant of his looks, I have to hope that most young women of today wouldn’t desire this trait in a boyfriend.

The negative hype circling these books refers not only to the implausible storyline but also the repetitive language used. 'if you drink every time the author uses “wicked grin” and “flushed crimson” you will be blackout-drunk by Chapter 4' escapeintolife.com. I am still a firm champion of the book, as it has made me laugh out loud on several occasions with witty humour and I find I can relate to the character of Ana. However, I must admit that even I am now getting a tad bored with the reoccurrence of themes and sentence structure. I mean, how many times can you read about a body shattering orgasm? 'I shatter once more, pulsing around him' Ana Steele.

However there are some reviewers that have tried so hard to dislike the books that they have moved past exaggeration and hurled straight into the ridiculous! Physiologist Carole Sawo in The Daily Mail has labelled the book as 'glorified sex abuse', She goes on to say that young fans will 'learn of the many faces of sickness only when it's their own blood on the bedroom carpet' Furthermore, she proudly admits 'I haven’t read the book and never will' Why should we even listen to your opinion then? I was outraged at the Daily Mail for even printing it! (I hope she publishes a book one day so I can slate it without reading it.)

I believe that these books, like Twilight are a fantasy. They provide some light relief from the daily grind. Well, for those that aren’t opposed to reading about BDSM, spanking and butt plugs (all consensual of course). I honestly can't see what people are getting so hot and bothered about. It’s not real-life it’s a fantasy and Christian doesn’t force Ana into anything. Throughout the book each character has a choice and now you have one too. You could be like our friend Carole Sawo and read the reviews and decide, or actually read the books and make up your own mind.

Either way always remember the famous quote; (I havent a clue who said it as I have only heard it from my Dad!)

'Opinions are like assholes. Everybody's got one and everyone thinks everyone else's stinks.'

I'm sure E.L James is laughing her way to the bank and doesn’t care either way!