a)To be a full time professional actress, performer
and singer in theatre, TV & film etc.
b)To go to an accredited drama school.
c)To have a lead role in a musical in the West End.
So now you are all up to speed with my dreams.
All humans have dreams. As children we are all told to believe in ourselves, and are nurtured as we go through a journey of ideas of what we would most like to be when we grow up. However, once we are 'grown up' there comes a time where we have to re-evaluate and wonder if our aspirations are at all achievable.
In life there are the forever dreamers, who will do whatever it takes to achieve their dreams. These are the ones who never stop dreaming. Then, there are the people who weigh up the pros and cons and eventually decide that they have come to the end of their aspirational road for one reason or another.
I find that I am often both of these people. In order to fulfil my dream, I have to be super confident that I will achieve it. I have to make a lifestyle choice. A choice to be forever uncertain, unknown and temporary. To allow my life to be determined by luck, being in the right place at the right time and the subjectivity of others. To fear that if i cannot achieve my dream, there is not another one that I would wish for. To fear that I may attempt it for too long and then be stuck for a career late in life. To fear that it may not be possible.
The three dreams listed at the top of the page are in no particular order. All are of great difficulty to obtain and I want them all. I have been attempting a) for just over a year now since leaving university and even though I have tried to remove the stigma that b) is absolutely necessary to achieve my dream, it still remains on the list. Like most people I find failure very difficult, (not so good if you are an actress.)I have tried to get into Drama School on three separate occasions and failed. Although there are many different routes to success as an actor, I can finally say that whether it is necessary or not, I want it. I want it, I need it and I believe that I deserve it.
That has taken me a while to realise again. I tried to tell myself that I didn't want it anymore, probably because it was difficult to achieve. Guess we cannot run from our dreams. Now that is out in the open, I guess I have to become a forever dreamer. I have to work extremely hard to achieve my dreams, and believe me there are many more of a similar nature to be added to the list!
For now real life is dreaming. We have to believe that there can be no reality where our dreams are not possible.
