Is cynical thinking just self-preservation?

Recently I have noticed that in life we can be extremely cynical of certain situations and the people that surround us. Cynicism is defined as 'contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives'. Sometimes previous experience teaches us that things aren't always what they seem, so we act with caution to avoid disappointment. This means we subconsciously feel negative towards an idea or situation and then feel guilty for immediately predicting the worst outcome. Should we torture ourselves for protecting our feelings?

George Carlin believes that 'Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.' This change occurs with age. As children we are gullible and naive, we dream and idealise about what may, might or could happen with no thought of how we might feel if it doesn't. However, as we get older we start to lose faith in the improbable and become more self-aware. Cynicism can be linked to realism, in that we blame our negative thinking on a need to be realistic. We are aware of the tough world we live in and expect little so we can be pleasantly surprised when we recieve a lot. Daniel Waters expands on this, 'In a cruel and evil world, being cynical can allow you to get some entertainment out of it.' He shows how we often feel better with our cynical viewpoint, as it saves us from the shame and embarrassment of believing everything and then looking like a fool.

Unfortunately some people become cynical about everything in the world, which leads to bitterness and resentment. 'A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.' (Henry Louis Mencken) These people become blind to any form of positivity and put a negative spin on everything in an attempt to safeguard their emotions. Our bitterness towards certain situations can stem from other's views, previous experiences or what society tells us to believe. The biblical story of the 'Good Samaritan' is a case example. It shows of how we do not expect kindness from a stranger, because we are led to believe that humans are all self-centered and out for their own gain. However, sometimes there is one person who is an exception to the rule and thinks of others.

A couple of weeks ago I had my belongings stolen on a night bus in London. I remember reacting with surprising apathy, just accepting my fate and casually criticising mankind. A few days later I received a letter with my cards and I.D enclosed. A stranger had found my items in their back garden and taken the time to return them to me. I was completely surprised that someone would go to that trouble. Why do I expect to be robbed but not to be compensated? Am I cynical or is the world cynical?

Questions also arise when a cynic requires proof in order to believe something to be true. With freedom of speech we can say within reason, what we like, however there is no proof to establish if what we say is true. We can meet people who relay fantastical stories and events which we want to believe are real, but something inside tells us they are not factual. We become guilty and feel bad for doubting a friend, but cannot disguise the glimmer of hope than exists within us, that wants to believe them. Oscar Wilde describes a cynic as 'A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.' To avoid this label we might be better off investing in the glimmer of hope we spend so much time trying to hide.

I hope that mankind does not wish to be cynical and look at the world negatively. Equally we do not want to wear rose coloured glasses, as life may disappoint us more than we expect it to. Henry Louis Mencken's view may be self-preserving, 'The cynics are right nine times out of ten' However, if one time out of ten we take a risk and give someone the benefit of the doubt, we might stop being cynical or even hopeful and start to be happy.

The Missing Piece.

Started writing in my diary thinking this was something I didn't want to share with the world, then changed my mind. As how can you be afraid to share what you don't have?

Watched 'Dear John' this evening and in addition to sobbing for most of the film I got thinking. I absolutely knew that as it's from the same writers as 'The Notebook ', it would be a heart-wrenching romantic film and I therefore expected to cry but not for the reason I did. Ironically and probably quite ignorantly what made me the most upset was the fact that I could not understand how they felt, having not not known that type of love in my life yet. The type of love I call - The missing piece.

You know the type of love I mean right? Well maybe you don't. Love that consumes you, love that keeps you breathing. Love that keeps you awake at night and gives you a reason to wake up in the morning. Love that is your moon, stars and sun. The type of love that once you find it you can't imagine letting it go and the thought of that ever happening fills you with indescribable fear. Love where you know the bad and good and it doesn't matter. Love that makes you so frustrated and then so fulfilled at the same time. Love that completes you. Love like Romeo and Juliet, Elizabeth and Mr Darcy, Pocahontas and John Smith and of course love like Bella and Edward.

I am of course aware that with all the good, love can also bring pain and heartache. Which in turn provides a way for us to learn, grow, adapt and change. Without it I therefore feel I am missing an opportunity, missing a piece in my life. Is something missing or am I just missing out on something? The sensible answer it that it is just not the right time for me to experience this 'something'. Who knows? Who cares? Well annoyingly enough I do and that is a good point. The more time and effort I spend caring and worrying about my empty space, is probably what delays the missing piece from finding it. Ironic and irritatingly sensible, this discovery doesn't make the process any easier.

I constantly remind people about how I have no interest in marriage and kids, but yet I wish for something linked with those two things to complete me in a way that one day they will also. I feel without any knowledge of real love how can I imagine myself devoting my life to it. Irrelevant of my age and the fact that I am just starting out in life, I feel behind and confused because I don't know why. Life isn't a race and love is not always a bed of roses and films only show love that is fake right? I believe that anyone who feels this, has found themselves in a similar predicament to me and handles it by being bitter.

Maybe I am behind. Maybe I am missing a piece. Or maybe I am just making a puzzle of everything. All I will say is that when or if I ever do find the missing piece, I will do everything and anything I can to make sure it is a perfect fit. By perfect I don't mean a fantasy, I mean perfectly real. A perfectly real missing piece for a perfectly real puzzle.

'Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.'

Good old Groucho Marx putting life into comedic perspective. He has got one thing correct, time does definitely fly and let me tell you not always when you're having fun.

I think time plays on our subconscious. It has a little game with our mind. This could be when we are so scared we may run out of time and suddenly four hours have passed in what feels like three minutes. Or when we cannot wait for the day to be over and every minute feels like an hour, dragging away, slowly stripping away our souls. Okay slightly dramatic, but time does play an extremely important part in our everyday lives. How we make use of it can affect what the future holds. 'You may delay, but time will not' Benjamin Franklin reminds us of how we avoid things, pretend to forget important tasks and fill our lives with endless futile but instantly gratifying pastimes to prolong the inevitable. Procrastination is a clear example of this. Some people cannot live without this pointless and time consuming activity, while others have the strength and will power to avoid the temptation to sway from what is planned. 'She spent her evenings making poetry, I spent my nights making time.' The Portrait - Amanda Mcbroom.

Bad decisions on how to use our time can often produce deep feelings of regret. Of course any time spent worrying for time lost is further time wastage. A never-ending loop occurs and we are stuck in our own groundhog day. Many films depict this idea in a fantastical light showing how we can change and better ourselves by repeating a certain day over and over leading to greater fulfilment. Fictional stories of time machines have become family favourites over the years as the idea of humans controlling time themselves is thrilling and exciting to watch. This is simply as because to date no human has found a way to control it. (I am of course not counting plastic surgery as way to postpone time)

I found myself recently reminiscing about a Children's TV programme I used to watch as a child, Bernard's Watch. Thinking back now it was a very simple show, where a boy had a watch that could stop time and we followed him on his daily activities where he used the watch to solve problems and create peace and harmony for himself and others. An idyllic and naive concept to us cynical adults but extremely appropriate for imaginative children. In complete irony the same day I thought of this programme, a negative situation occurred that made we utterly wish for that magical watch so I could go and erase it. Now a believer in fate and signs myself, I thought this situation occurred for a reason,(though I cannot seem to discover it yet) therefore If I was to stop time I would be disturbing the natural order of things and the consequences of that could be even worse. This all sounds rather like the prophetic words of an evil character in a Disney film, but surely those stories must have been based on some truth!

People often say there is so much to do and not enough hours in the day to do it. Oscar Levant disagrees, 'So little time and so little to do.' I'm guessing he means that if we used our time wisely we would find there is more than enough to spare. In a society where everyone is busy, everything is rushed, and every day is sped through, time is travelling fast and our chosen pace is all that can slow it down. If time is playing a game with us, why not take a back seat and allow the game to unfold? If we stop fighting time, accept that the clock will chime every hour and the sun will set ever day, we may find that we subconsciously have more time. We are better to sit back and enjoy the game rather than sit watching the second hand as it ticks away wasting the few precious seconds we have to plan our next strategic move. 'This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But, it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.' Winston Churchill.