Easier to do it wrong.

So lately I have noticed how we often knowingly do the wrong thing. Mainly because it is what we prefer. The wrong thing can often be the most instantly gratifying option. Sometimes by doing the wrong thing we are breaking a rule and so feel reckless and this can be fun, or maybe it is simply because doing the right thing is so damn hard most of the time.

From the beginning we are always taught to do the right thing. Our education at school is a combination of many years and exams where we must get the right answer in order to gain the right result. However, as we get older we see that in life there can be grey areas. What if there are two right answers? What if what we think is right, is actually wrong?

So many questions. Which is why we ask others for guidance when we are in a quandary. Still knowing all the while that we are going to do the wrong thing anyway! Is it the thrill of being bad? Or maybe its because we feel too weak to make the right choice?

For me, I am always out of luck. As a very indecisive person making any decision is difficult. So when my head or heart eventually leans toward any side, I have to go with it or I'll remain in limbo forever.

I guess whether the right or wrong thing is easier, either path will provide a journey for further options for bad decisions, wrong turns and mistakes. Without these we wouldn't learn and grow as people. We just have to remember that while doing the wrong thing may be easy and fun, it can also sometimes hurt people, including ourselves.

Am I lazy or just scared?

Can laziness sometimes be confused with fear? This theory was suggested to me a few weeks ago and I still am not sure I agree with it. The idea is that often while our behaviour may look like sheer laziness, our lack of enthusiasm could simply be a fear of the task at hand. Obviously I am not suggesting that some of us may be completely terrorised by the idea of doing the washing up, or that all teenagers who avoid tidying their room actually suffer from a crippling fright of cleanliness. No. This notion runs a little deeper.

I have been out of education in the 'real world' for just over a year now, keeping up various part-time jobs while in search of acting work. After a stint in a musical and a fringe play, I managed to find an agent and felt like I was finally getting somewhere. However,for a mainly out-of-work actor, supposedly riddled with determination, I have become so lazy!

I am plodding along this motorway of reality while teaching children performing arts, stopping off at the services infrequently for a dose of 'The Dream' and then back I go to the slow lane, this time laden with lactose-intolerance issues. I reach the next exit not as a professional performer sporting excited jazz hands, but as a 23 year old actress who goes to bed with a microwavable warmie in the shape of a Babushka doll!

I have become a sucker for instant gratification. It is so much easier to gain happiness in amongst the reality, by going to the cinema with your mates, snuggling up to your gorgeous boyfriend, watching your favourite band play. 'The Dream' however requires a lot more time and effort. So the answer (apparently) is not laziness but fear? Granted, by nature I am not a lazy person, however recently I seem to have got much better at sleeping in, spending the whole day on my laptop surfing rubbish, and coming up with reasons not to do things.

For the last 6 months I have told myself every week to:

1. Go to some dance classes -
I tried everything local, including Zumba which while it is great exercise, a background knowledge in the subject isn't required when auditioning in the West End. I looked at most options that would avoid travel and cost, all the while knowing that Pineapple was where I needed to be. Laziness or fear?

2. Practice singing daily (Yes even if its loud!) -
I would try for about 10 minutes in the shower, not warming up properly, and then trail off. In recent singing lessons the task has been 'belting' aka: shouting on a tune, to the neighbours this would be translated as - a cat being strangled slowly. Funny how I don't wish that to be what springs to mind when I sing. Laziness or fear?

I think it could be either. The reason I am more torn towards laziness is because in the grand scheme of things neither of these two tasks are that difficult to carry out. What I really need is a verbal kick up the backside. Which funnily enough I get quite often from the people most important to me...

Actually what I really need is to perform again. When I say perform I mean really perform. Get stuck into a real role or script or perform some great musical theatre songs in a concert or show. Indulge in what I do best.
How do I do that? Stop being lazy and practice!

That means, conquer your fear of not really being a dancer and join Pineapple and focus on the joy of belting that big note in your favourite song and forget about your neighbours, who are way to busy to care what you sound like anyway.
Hmm, maybe it was fear afterall.

Mother Monster at her Monster Ball

I just wanted to dedicate a post to the most iconic and most talked about woman in music today, whose picture currently covers most of my bedroom wall space. Lady Gaga, Mother Monster, Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta (her real name) are a few of the titles this revolutionary performer is known by.

After a world famous first album ‘The Fame’ and a sellout Monster Ball Tour, Gaga has just released her highly anticipated second album ‘Born This Way’. Before its release Gaga made four tracks available to download to tease her fans. She headlined Radio 1s Live Weekend and HBO’s recording of her Monster Ball tour Live in Madison Square Garden has been repeated all over Sky Telvision over the last few weeks.

I have just been watching the recording, from her black and white backstage documentary sections to the bright lights of the stage. Gaga is a born performer. This show is the last of five in her home town and you can see it means the world to her. While in makeup she cannot hold back the tears, as after hearing the screams of the sold out arena she still, deep down feels like a loser and wants to be a winner for all her fans.

Gaga sends out two main messages with the Monster Ball: 1 – It will be a night to party hard and 2 – It will be a place where everyone; irrelevant of race, colour, gender, sexual or fashion preference, will be accepted.

The show is a mix of Gaga’s fantastic costume changes, weird set changes, imaginative props and instruments and amazing live musicians. We can all see that Gaga is a phenomenal front woman with her Andy Warhol yellow hair and bare bum cheeks. She has dared to be different with her thoroughly entertaining, theatrical show, with freakish costumes and wild backing dancers. In addition to all this glitter and epic chaos, there are moments to hear her fanatically raw, powerful pop voice, and watch a superbly talented songwriter sit at her piano, and do what she does best.

When Gaga constantly address’s her fans as ‘Monsters’, we see that she lives and breathes for the music and for them. She is very loud and very crude but screaming with pride that she beat all the negativity and came out on top. Her anecdotes of always dreaming of headling Madison Square Garden are heartfelt and powerful. She wants to instill her new found confidence into her fans and inspire them to be great.
In her minimal clothes and bare skin she has made it. She is one of a kind and was born that way.

Go Mother Monster!
PUT YOUR PAWS UP!

Sienna and Sheridan= Two Talented Sweethearts

I was lucky enough to attend a Masterclass on Thursday with Sienna Miller and Sheridan Smith at the Theatre Royal Haymarket, discussing their current roles in Flare Path by Terrance Rattigan. I had not seen the play, neither had my friend who joined me, however this did not detract at all from the pleasure of the afternoon. (We are now looking for cheap last minute tickets before the run ends in 4 weeks!

Matt Wolf, all round theatre critic, author and university lecturer interviewed the ladies about the play and then opened up the conversation to the packed stalls of the theatre. These included a mix of aspiring actors, theatre fanatics and personal twitter fans of the two actresses. All were thoroughly entertained by these two remarkable young women who claimed to be shocked that they were giving a ‘masterclass’, because they didn’t feel they had enough knowledge or experience to coach others.

Sheridan has a hugely successful Televison career and an Olivier for Legally Blonde to boot, yet she constantly maintained that she ‘blags it’ and is always scared her unorthodox technique might be discovered! While Sienna Miller who has a thriving film career and two other theatre credits under her belt, claimed that she does not have the bold confidence she once had when she first set out as an actress.

While being unbelievable modest, these two ladies could not hide their inner nerves at being confronted with an audience and no character to play. They acted like giggling school friends, holding hands and sharing secrets and it was marvellous to watch. Both answered the audience’s questions with ease and gave genuine advice from their experiences. As an aspiring actress myself, it was truly rewarding to see that these two talented actresses were, by their own admission; very lucky and often in the right place at the right time, but also friendly, approachable and completely humble about their own success.

Although surprising, it was comforting to realise that all people famous or not, have insecurities, times of doubt and often need reassurance of their brilliance. It is easy to watch an actor play a character on stage or in a film and forget that they are real people who lead normal lives. (well, maybe not normal!)
Even though, both women dealt with the task at hand and their nerves quite differently; (Sienna played with her gorgeous hair frivolously as she talked and Sheridan had to pop to the toilet in the middle of the session!) they both excelled in the moment and without realising it, provided much entertainment and inspiration to all.

I can only hope that their success continues and that I get that chance to work with these talented ladies when I am in the right place at the right time. They may have both had bad reviews in the past, but they get five stars from me


The Masterclasses ‘offer free talks and workshops with leading professionals, to anyone aged 17-30.’ Sign up here: http://www.masterclass.org.uk/index.php

A Fairytale Wedding

Congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, the future King and Queen of England, who have tied the knot in a public ceremony for the whole world to witness.

Many of us are proud to celebrate in style, drinking, partying in the streets and celebrating young love and also a day off work! While, others have tired of the constant coverage and frenzy of the media in the lead up to this day. Prior to this morning, I was neither a flag bearing Briton or a Royal-Hater. While I was intrigued to see the coveted dress, I did feel that some parts of the public preparation had gilded the lily a tad!

However, after watching the Ceremony on television this morning I could not help but shed a tear after witnessing the vision that was Catherine Middleton in her stunning lace Alexander McQueen creation. While, Prince William and Prince Harry looked dashing in their uniforms and beaming all the way through. The entire nation were mesmerised by the Royal romance on display that showed tradition and heritage with a modern twist for 2011.

I feel we must remember that aside from the media and crowds in their thousands, at the heart of this day are a simply a young couple who are very much in love. It was the subtleties and the detail of the day which captured my heart and highlighted how while they may one day be King and Queen, Wills and Kate are still just two people who have chosen, like many others, to declare their love to one and another.

The live coverage highlighted the detail showing Prince Harry as best man, whispering to his brother that Catherine looked gorgeous as she walked up the aisle. Prince William's beaming grin as he caught his first glimpse of her. Then at that romantic balcony scene, where we could see William himself suggesting a second kiss, undoubtedly showing the pride for his new bride. The defining moment was of course that fantastically cheeky Aston martin ride out of Buckingham Palace, showing how amazing and ultimately how normal they really are.

From the moment they emerged as a married couple today, they resembled a modern day Prince and Princess like those from a child's fictional story. Many girls would liken the carriadge to that of Cinderella's. These stories are alive in the dreams of many young girls in the world at one point or another. While not every girl may dream of marring a Prince, or even dream of their wedding day (myself included!) every girl does hope to meet the love of their life and be with them forever. Just as Catherine has done today.

While I am a romantic, I have never been over girly or keen about weddings. I know many girls who have planned their wedding years before even meeting the groom! While I have enjoyed attending weddings as a guest I have not spent my life wondering what dress I will wear and what vows I will say. In fact I have never been certain that I would marry at all. The Royal Wedding today has been a joy to watch and while it has not changed my outlook on marriage completely, it has given me some much needed blog inspiration! Mainly it has highlighted why so many of us desire that perfect day and the chance to have...

...A Fairytale Wedding.

Rehearsals can be fun!

After spending my life conducting in various rehearsals for shows, concerts, musicals etc, I have always found them to be tiresome, stressful and frustrating. After weeks of late night perfecting and preening, there is usually a negative atmosphere surrounding the actors by the time the performances arrive. This is either because they are overworked, bored or tired of being blamed for others mistakes. Then of course the shows start and everyone enjoys performing so much that they are all friends again and cannot remember why they were so frustrated a few hours earlier. The run ends and all the actors get a serious case of the after-show blues and cannot wait to begin another rehearsal process. Oh the pains of the theatre darling!

Recently I have been forced to change my bitter view of rehearsals. I have just began working on the 40th Anniversary Production of Godspell with All Star Productions at Ye Old Rose & Crown Pub in Walthamstow. Now after just five rehearsals I am so inspired that on my nights off I am still revising the material and enjoying it! (This may just mean that my work ethic has improved) However, I believe that the exceptionally talented and creative cast and crew are the contributing factor. We are all a complete mix of eccentric actors form a variety of backgrounds and countries that have been thrown together and along with the hilarious warm -up games, musical innuendos and various tom foolery that occurs we have already produced some serious creativity.

I would just like to say we create one awesome rehearsal. So I can therefore only assume that the performances are going to be something of the divine and I would not want you to miss them.

Godspell is a musical based upon the Gospel according to St Mathew with an amazing rock/gospel score written by Stephen Schwartz. With a modern twist this show can delight audiences of all ages, backgrounds, religious preferences and musical tastes.

So please come and see our Production at Ye Old Rose & Crown Pub from 8th March - 1st April.
To book tickets visit - www.allstarproductions.co.uk
Or come say Hi on Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/event.php?eid=153666064681051

Too happy?

Lately I have been contemplating the notion that we can sometimes be too happy. I know initially that idea sounds inconceivable, as surely happiness is something we always crave for and wish to have in our lives. Yet, by placing the 'too' in front of the word it suggests that there is an excess of this feeling. The idea that we have overdosed in something so positive does not seem possible.

The phrase 'Too happy' could also suggest an idea that the happiness feels too good to be true. The hint of excess is still there, however the fear it may not be there forever is also implied.

In life we sometimes have to take a chance and put our faith in other people. This is a frightening concept as we then become vulnerable. While it is cynical to consider that all humans are capable of deception, we are always taught to look for out for our own best interests. While happy, we can't help but wonder if one day the bliss we are enveloped in will change, or cease to exist completely.

It could be considered foolish to analyse our happiness. Some might say that humans can never be truly happy as they are always second guessing, sensing foul play or waiting to for it to disappear completely. These people are not enjoying the present while in fear for the future. They want to have more control. However, while they are controlling an excess of happiness they may also be preventing any happiness at all.

Therefore I choose to eliminate the 'too' and stay with just 'happy'. Why should I waste precious moments of a feeling that could remain? Though there is a possibility it could one day be gone, I will always have the memory of when it came to visit :)