‘Wow?!’ Is the response I gave when realising that the last time I wrote a blog post was practically to the day an entire year ago! I followed this with 'How is that possible?' and yes this was an outspoken disbelief even though there was nobody in the room to hear me!
In my defence over the last year I have been extremely busy completing a Musical Theatre MA at Drama School, which was one of three goals of 'The Dream', an earlier post from February last year dedicated to three things I had dreamed of achieving in my career.
'I have tried to get into Drama School on three separate occasions and failed. Although there are many different routes to success as an actor, I can finally say that whether it is necessary or not, I want it. I want it, I need it and I believe that I deserve it.' (The Dream,2012)
A couple months after writing that post I auditioned for Drama school for the fourth time and this time I got in. I then embarked on a rollercoaster of a year, which tested my entire being emotionally and physically. The course completely took over my life and while I learnt a great deal, it left little time for genuine reflection, or for writing anything other than what the course required.
I find it very strange looking back at the above quote now. Whether I deserved to get into Drama School remains to be seen. Yes it was something I convinced myself that I needed and something that I believed I wanted. The reality however was not dreamlike at all but a struggle. I was lucky enough to make some amazing friends that I hope I will never lose, while learning lots about my craft. Yet the course created a doubt in my mind that questioned all of the dreams I had ever had since the age of five.
My MA project focussed on 'Fear and the actor' a notion which plagued my entire time on the course. Funnily enough during writing, I revisited my blog and found many posts which talked about fear. It became evident that although I thought that fear was a brand new challenge, it was one I had been facing for a while.
So, fearful but determined to attempt to fulfil my other dreams having completed my MA, I got an agent and now await the opportunity to audition. While working front of house and teaching in order to pay my rent, I look back at the remaining two goals from 'The Dream' and wonder how I am going to achieve them or if I even want to anymore:
a)To be a full time professional actress, performer and singer in theatre, TV & film etc.
b)To go to an accredited drama school.
c)To have a lead role in a musical in the West End.
Getting into Drama School took time, money and confidence. Something the other two dreams also require. A year on; I still have time - I am now a twenty-five year old masters graduate, yet I cannot help thinking that I still don’t have my foot in the door of any career path yet. Money - That all went on the course, hence why I am now spending my time watching others perform each night to earn a wage rather than peforming myself. Confidence - Unfortunately I am now not rich in this either. The course ironically sent me back leaps in this department. It has left me wondering if I even have what is required to be successful in this industry, which in turn has diluted my passion and enthusiasm to succeed in it.
With the universal knowledge that the major requirement to succeed in this business is Luck, my rational brain takes over and I am left trying to think of other dreams I might have that could provide more security or a better future:
d) Use my love of writing and turn my dairies from my teenage years into a book
e) To work as an assistant to a professional Casting Director/Agent (something I can hopefully achieve later in life after performing professionally)
There’s no reason why I cannot start reaching towards these dreams and still keep the previous ones alive, but unfortunately I believe that these new goals would be just as difficult to complete as the old ones.
I am once again stuck in a limbo land where I have so many possibilities and questions, that I cannot focus enough to get started on one. By working every night my part-time job slowly becomes a lifestyle, made worse by the fact that I am a much happier, confident person now that I am no longer at drama school! I am left wondering why I am not pro-actively seeking my dreams anymore.
Is that fact that I am comfortably living in a reality where I am not performing a sign that my old dreams are over, or am I now just too fearful to dream at all?
Showing posts with label luck. Show all posts
Showing posts with label luck. Show all posts
Friday, 22 November 2013
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
Luck, a man-made idea?
Do you ever take time out of your day to wonder how luck has played a part in it?
The idea of luck centers around chance, fate and faith, all things we ultimately have no control over. We normally become aware of luck when we notice it's absence. We believe a pre-determined force is out to get us, after experiencing a sudden negative turn of events or upon hearing some bad news. If this negative pattern continues we then label ourselves as unlucky. However, what does luck actually signify and how can we be sure it exists and it is not just a coincidence disguised in a man made ideology created to increase hope? By definition luck is 'a force that brings good fortune or adversity' or 'a favoring chance.' Therefore it's existence is an added bonus, but it's absence just joins the end of a long list of attributes, qualities and objects we don't have, but nevertheless depress us further because we don't understand why we don't have them.
Luck can be measured on a variety of levels, depending on how you view it. There are universal symbols of luck such as the four-leaf clover and Irish leprechaun. We also collect personal items throughout over lives that prove lucky for us. This could be a favourite pair of underwear, piece of jewelery, photo or general keepsake. Whether these items are lucky we will never know. It is questionable whether our belief in them, tips the scales to creating a positive outcome when they are near, or if the luck surrounding them is merely a random turn of events.
Symbols of bad luck usually center around superstitions, involving breaking mirrors, black cats crossing paths and the number thirteen. Do we believe in these myths to provide a reason for our fear of making a mistake or choosing the wrong path? Certain acts are often created to promote fairness and assure the outcome is left to chance, for example when names are picked out of a hat. Sometimes our faith is tested when our prior expectations are proved correct and so cynical thinking comes into play. This can therefore remind us of how unlucky we are or suggest the idea that luck cannot exist as humans will always intervene and upset the natural and supposed random order of things.
We can also ask how much is luck dependant on free will? We live our day to day lives and make choices, some big and some small. Along the way luck intervenes and either helps or hinders us. It's presence can sometimes belittle achievement, as we believe our constant efforts are often wasted as an unknown element is in complete control waiting to shine it's light on us and seal our fate. Luck is also an idea used as an excuse for uncertainty. If we cannot be completely sure of something we say it is all down to luck. Therefore humans are absolved of error and blame, as whatever they do they cannot be sue of anything, because luck does not knock before it enters. The element of surprise then becomes our safe house. How does that make any sense?
We come back again to the idea of subjectivity. One person might consider constantly tripping up and walking into things a sign of bad luck, whereas another might look upon this as a clumsy behavioral habit that could be passed down genetically. Similar to irony, good luck normally pays a visit to someone else when you are feeling particularly in need of it. This is described in the great words of Alanis Morissette in her song Ironic, 'it's meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife'. Now the reaction to this differs from person to person. Some, like myself, read into situations of irony, fate and luck and believe that there is a reason why each of them have occurred at that precise moment. Others refuse to believe that such a power can exist without human interference. Unfortunately neither can be assumed as right or wrong.
Most unknown, invisible, ideas, notions and beliefs are linked together magically in a web of intangible mystery. Some believe that a man makes his own luck, others believe it is bestowed at random selection. The idea of luck simplistically is hope. Hope that on your birthday the sun will shine. Hope that you will excel at that job interview. Hope that you will one day fall in love with someone who loves you back. Hope that something good can happen to you and it not be in the form of payment, guilt or necessity. Hope that something good can happen to you for no other reason than at that particular moment of that particular day you just happened to deserve it.
The idea of luck centers around chance, fate and faith, all things we ultimately have no control over. We normally become aware of luck when we notice it's absence. We believe a pre-determined force is out to get us, after experiencing a sudden negative turn of events or upon hearing some bad news. If this negative pattern continues we then label ourselves as unlucky. However, what does luck actually signify and how can we be sure it exists and it is not just a coincidence disguised in a man made ideology created to increase hope? By definition luck is 'a force that brings good fortune or adversity' or 'a favoring chance.' Therefore it's existence is an added bonus, but it's absence just joins the end of a long list of attributes, qualities and objects we don't have, but nevertheless depress us further because we don't understand why we don't have them.
Luck can be measured on a variety of levels, depending on how you view it. There are universal symbols of luck such as the four-leaf clover and Irish leprechaun. We also collect personal items throughout over lives that prove lucky for us. This could be a favourite pair of underwear, piece of jewelery, photo or general keepsake. Whether these items are lucky we will never know. It is questionable whether our belief in them, tips the scales to creating a positive outcome when they are near, or if the luck surrounding them is merely a random turn of events.
Symbols of bad luck usually center around superstitions, involving breaking mirrors, black cats crossing paths and the number thirteen. Do we believe in these myths to provide a reason for our fear of making a mistake or choosing the wrong path? Certain acts are often created to promote fairness and assure the outcome is left to chance, for example when names are picked out of a hat. Sometimes our faith is tested when our prior expectations are proved correct and so cynical thinking comes into play. This can therefore remind us of how unlucky we are or suggest the idea that luck cannot exist as humans will always intervene and upset the natural and supposed random order of things.
We can also ask how much is luck dependant on free will? We live our day to day lives and make choices, some big and some small. Along the way luck intervenes and either helps or hinders us. It's presence can sometimes belittle achievement, as we believe our constant efforts are often wasted as an unknown element is in complete control waiting to shine it's light on us and seal our fate. Luck is also an idea used as an excuse for uncertainty. If we cannot be completely sure of something we say it is all down to luck. Therefore humans are absolved of error and blame, as whatever they do they cannot be sue of anything, because luck does not knock before it enters. The element of surprise then becomes our safe house. How does that make any sense?
We come back again to the idea of subjectivity. One person might consider constantly tripping up and walking into things a sign of bad luck, whereas another might look upon this as a clumsy behavioral habit that could be passed down genetically. Similar to irony, good luck normally pays a visit to someone else when you are feeling particularly in need of it. This is described in the great words of Alanis Morissette in her song Ironic, 'it's meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife'. Now the reaction to this differs from person to person. Some, like myself, read into situations of irony, fate and luck and believe that there is a reason why each of them have occurred at that precise moment. Others refuse to believe that such a power can exist without human interference. Unfortunately neither can be assumed as right or wrong.
Most unknown, invisible, ideas, notions and beliefs are linked together magically in a web of intangible mystery. Some believe that a man makes his own luck, others believe it is bestowed at random selection. The idea of luck simplistically is hope. Hope that on your birthday the sun will shine. Hope that you will excel at that job interview. Hope that you will one day fall in love with someone who loves you back. Hope that something good can happen to you and it not be in the form of payment, guilt or necessity. Hope that something good can happen to you for no other reason than at that particular moment of that particular day you just happened to deserve it.
Sunday, 14 February 2010
Is it written?
I have always been fascinated by the idea of fate. The belief that an inanimate controlling force is at work somewhere, tipping the scales and rocking the boat.
I guess this belief would denounce the existence of a God, however I have an incling that both beings of power may be out there co-existing. Once fate comes into play the idea of free will is also knocked out of the equation. Some believe that fate is in charge of a master plan laid out for us the minute we are born which leads to our destiny upon our death. I however see fate more as a guideline, it provides us with signs, clues along the way of life which, if we choose to see them can point to a path. How do we know if it is the correct one? We don't.
Similar to religion, belief in fate requires a certain about of blind faith. The cynics would say that signs and themes are created by us in a poor attempt to over-analyse every situation to make it fit a pattern. We are conditioned as humans to stick to the positive and disregard the negative as much as possible. However, when we are surrounded by negativity, bad luck and clouds with what can only be described as a pencil lining, we start to wonder if we are missing the bigger picture. Has fate intervened? Is someone trying to tell us something? Are we on the brink of a sudden self-discovery? Or have we made a fatal error and this is our punishment? As much for self-preservation than anything else, those more spiritually minded tend to use fate as an answer when they can find no other. I place myself firmly in this category.
I do not automatically believe that the cause of everything is fate induced. I think that there can be re-curring themes in every day life that highlight things we need to be aware of in some way. Examples of these would be co-incidence, irony, hindsight and of course intuition. When these things occur they are often annoyances and are only remembered with bitterness. However, when explored they can normally shed some decent light on the situation at hand and often show an opposite viewpoint or final outcome that wasn't available before. Most films of the romantic nature will contain some message or theme that fate and destiny do exist and play a part in our lives.
A good example of this is the spectacular Slumdog Millionaire, which in its opening credits poses a question for the audience with possible answers, one of which reads, 'It is written.' The premise of the film rests on the belief that human strength, understanding or intimidation cannot be a match for fate and sometimes there is no reason why or how, it just has to be accepted. Serendipity and Fools Rush In are boths classic film examples depicting this idea. Aside from their sickening but magical storylines which fit perfectly in the romantic comedy genre, they aim to show how signs are everywhere, and everyone loses their way from time to time and need some guidance.
Apart from guidance, what we all search for on a daily basis is answers. We constantly have to decide if we are making the right decisions. We require proof, compliments, acknowledgement that we are on the correct path. Fate can give us this assurance, and provide some answers, but not all of them. Still this realisation is usually only evident after hindsight when a coincidence becomes obvious in an ironic display of intuition! It may be written but it is not always fun to read!
I guess this belief would denounce the existence of a God, however I have an incling that both beings of power may be out there co-existing. Once fate comes into play the idea of free will is also knocked out of the equation. Some believe that fate is in charge of a master plan laid out for us the minute we are born which leads to our destiny upon our death. I however see fate more as a guideline, it provides us with signs, clues along the way of life which, if we choose to see them can point to a path. How do we know if it is the correct one? We don't.
Similar to religion, belief in fate requires a certain about of blind faith. The cynics would say that signs and themes are created by us in a poor attempt to over-analyse every situation to make it fit a pattern. We are conditioned as humans to stick to the positive and disregard the negative as much as possible. However, when we are surrounded by negativity, bad luck and clouds with what can only be described as a pencil lining, we start to wonder if we are missing the bigger picture. Has fate intervened? Is someone trying to tell us something? Are we on the brink of a sudden self-discovery? Or have we made a fatal error and this is our punishment? As much for self-preservation than anything else, those more spiritually minded tend to use fate as an answer when they can find no other. I place myself firmly in this category.
I do not automatically believe that the cause of everything is fate induced. I think that there can be re-curring themes in every day life that highlight things we need to be aware of in some way. Examples of these would be co-incidence, irony, hindsight and of course intuition. When these things occur they are often annoyances and are only remembered with bitterness. However, when explored they can normally shed some decent light on the situation at hand and often show an opposite viewpoint or final outcome that wasn't available before. Most films of the romantic nature will contain some message or theme that fate and destiny do exist and play a part in our lives.
A good example of this is the spectacular Slumdog Millionaire, which in its opening credits poses a question for the audience with possible answers, one of which reads, 'It is written.' The premise of the film rests on the belief that human strength, understanding or intimidation cannot be a match for fate and sometimes there is no reason why or how, it just has to be accepted. Serendipity and Fools Rush In are boths classic film examples depicting this idea. Aside from their sickening but magical storylines which fit perfectly in the romantic comedy genre, they aim to show how signs are everywhere, and everyone loses their way from time to time and need some guidance.
Apart from guidance, what we all search for on a daily basis is answers. We constantly have to decide if we are making the right decisions. We require proof, compliments, acknowledgement that we are on the correct path. Fate can give us this assurance, and provide some answers, but not all of them. Still this realisation is usually only evident after hindsight when a coincidence becomes obvious in an ironic display of intuition! It may be written but it is not always fun to read!
Thursday, 11 February 2010
To flirt or not to flirt, how to is the question...
How do you flirt successfully? This is a problem I have realised we all have come across at one point or another in our lives and it has been a focus of mine recently.
I would love to sit here and come up with a complete full-proof list of flirting guidelines for both sexes. However, I feel I am completely inexperienced in this area. It seems that no recipe of flirting success can be guaranteed. I mean there are a few generalisations and tips as a rule of thumb. For example, men cannot take hints or subtlety in any capacity and need our feelings spelled out for them! What if this means scaring them away? It is simply just a minefield and no amount of analysing ever seems to find a sure resolution.
We have the old fashioned customs detailing of how the guy should always make the first move. However, I have always been a firm believer that there is no reason why a girl can't do the same. It's films like He's just not that into you that depict single women as needy and desperate disasters who spend their time pining after missed opportunities, exes and men way out of their league. The complete message of that film is that no girl should ever take a chance on a guy or show him any interest at all, as the men hold the complete power and if they don't make a move then they are just not that into you! Sorry but I completely disagree with this belief. Which is probably why most of my friends after seeing the film, said that the main character (an annoying, womanising, desperate girl) was modelled on me! Great.
I guess the reason there are no rules for this, is that attraction, connection and love are all measured completely differently from person to person. To steal a quote from another great Rom Com, Win a date with Tad Hamilton, 'Everyone has their Tad Hamilton', For anyone who hasn't seen the film, Tad is like Brad Pitt! Meaning that everyone has a person they crave and fancy so much that they are like a famous pinup to them and for everyone that person is different. I often find myself looking at a slightly mismatched couple and quite judgmentally wondering how they have come to be together. Then logic sets in and I realise, that they simply just love each other.
Maybe it is the circles I travel in but I seem to find that men are often hypocritical when it comes to what they want from women. It is said in magazines galore that men like a strong woman, they like someone who can look after herself, they like curves and confidence. However the women I always seem to see men after, are apathetic, wimpy females, who believe it is attractive to seem completely helpless and unintelligent. Maybe men turn to these women because they are an easy target and are therefore willing to pander to their requests, who knows?
Also how do we measure the words 'fancy' or 'flirt'? Some people would say they fancy someone they just like the look of in a bar, but others would say they cannot fancy someone they don't actually know. Fancy is defined as an 'amorous love' which doesn't indicate any relevance to outward appearances. Still it is strange how we can simply be drawn to someone just from the way they look. Nowadays especially for the younger generation I'd say sexual attraction plays a huge part in the initial making a move process. When it comes to flirting there are so many different techniques, the whole thing gets quite confusing! For starters some people are natural flirters and incorporate a cheeky, flattering, tactile, humour into their personality with everyone they meet, this can often be very puzzling to the opposite sex. Others however are very reserved and would be able to successfully hide their feelings for another, for a vast amount of time without anyone catching on.
What I find hard is trying to figure out if the object of your desire would even be remotely interested in you at all! This is so difficult without making an obvious move and then being given an obvious yes/no answer back. I guess like everything flirting takes patience, something most of us do not have. In our busy, hectic lives everything moves so fast and we expect love and attraction to begin and continue rapidly in this ongoing motion. It also depends on the person you are. Some people can move on from their potential points of interest quite quickly, whereas others only invest time in the people they believe to be their soul mate, these objects of unrequited love then become attached to someone else, and are so labelled,'the one that got away'. (This is also the name of a great Pink song from her fourth album I'm not Dead)
One point that always comes up is to not look for love or relationships, as they will find you. Again I sometimes disagree with this point, much like the disagreement over whether luck is a random ray of sunshine shone down from a higher being, or simply the result of a man's own actions. I think love can be written in the stars, or put down to fate, the gods, the planets, or anything believed to have a gravitational pull, scientifically or metaphorically on human beings on earth. However, I also believe we can make our own luck by putting our feelings on the line when it matters, and stepping into the firing line knowing we may get burnt. Otherwise how do we learn if what we are feeling is real? At this point it comes down to strength of character, endurance, and our ability to bounce back from rejection that allows us to decide if this path is right for us.
All I will say is that only we can know what what we really want from a situation and how much we feel we are in control of it, even if this means facing an emotion we feel we cannot. I turn to the words of a great but rather unknown musician to sum up my point, Belinda Gillett - The Girl who disappeared, 'Don't throw your life away in fear'.
I would love to sit here and come up with a complete full-proof list of flirting guidelines for both sexes. However, I feel I am completely inexperienced in this area. It seems that no recipe of flirting success can be guaranteed. I mean there are a few generalisations and tips as a rule of thumb. For example, men cannot take hints or subtlety in any capacity and need our feelings spelled out for them! What if this means scaring them away? It is simply just a minefield and no amount of analysing ever seems to find a sure resolution.
We have the old fashioned customs detailing of how the guy should always make the first move. However, I have always been a firm believer that there is no reason why a girl can't do the same. It's films like He's just not that into you that depict single women as needy and desperate disasters who spend their time pining after missed opportunities, exes and men way out of their league. The complete message of that film is that no girl should ever take a chance on a guy or show him any interest at all, as the men hold the complete power and if they don't make a move then they are just not that into you! Sorry but I completely disagree with this belief. Which is probably why most of my friends after seeing the film, said that the main character (an annoying, womanising, desperate girl) was modelled on me! Great.
I guess the reason there are no rules for this, is that attraction, connection and love are all measured completely differently from person to person. To steal a quote from another great Rom Com, Win a date with Tad Hamilton, 'Everyone has their Tad Hamilton', For anyone who hasn't seen the film, Tad is like Brad Pitt! Meaning that everyone has a person they crave and fancy so much that they are like a famous pinup to them and for everyone that person is different. I often find myself looking at a slightly mismatched couple and quite judgmentally wondering how they have come to be together. Then logic sets in and I realise, that they simply just love each other.
Maybe it is the circles I travel in but I seem to find that men are often hypocritical when it comes to what they want from women. It is said in magazines galore that men like a strong woman, they like someone who can look after herself, they like curves and confidence. However the women I always seem to see men after, are apathetic, wimpy females, who believe it is attractive to seem completely helpless and unintelligent. Maybe men turn to these women because they are an easy target and are therefore willing to pander to their requests, who knows?
Also how do we measure the words 'fancy' or 'flirt'? Some people would say they fancy someone they just like the look of in a bar, but others would say they cannot fancy someone they don't actually know. Fancy is defined as an 'amorous love' which doesn't indicate any relevance to outward appearances. Still it is strange how we can simply be drawn to someone just from the way they look. Nowadays especially for the younger generation I'd say sexual attraction plays a huge part in the initial making a move process. When it comes to flirting there are so many different techniques, the whole thing gets quite confusing! For starters some people are natural flirters and incorporate a cheeky, flattering, tactile, humour into their personality with everyone they meet, this can often be very puzzling to the opposite sex. Others however are very reserved and would be able to successfully hide their feelings for another, for a vast amount of time without anyone catching on.
What I find hard is trying to figure out if the object of your desire would even be remotely interested in you at all! This is so difficult without making an obvious move and then being given an obvious yes/no answer back. I guess like everything flirting takes patience, something most of us do not have. In our busy, hectic lives everything moves so fast and we expect love and attraction to begin and continue rapidly in this ongoing motion. It also depends on the person you are. Some people can move on from their potential points of interest quite quickly, whereas others only invest time in the people they believe to be their soul mate, these objects of unrequited love then become attached to someone else, and are so labelled,'the one that got away'. (This is also the name of a great Pink song from her fourth album I'm not Dead)
One point that always comes up is to not look for love or relationships, as they will find you. Again I sometimes disagree with this point, much like the disagreement over whether luck is a random ray of sunshine shone down from a higher being, or simply the result of a man's own actions. I think love can be written in the stars, or put down to fate, the gods, the planets, or anything believed to have a gravitational pull, scientifically or metaphorically on human beings on earth. However, I also believe we can make our own luck by putting our feelings on the line when it matters, and stepping into the firing line knowing we may get burnt. Otherwise how do we learn if what we are feeling is real? At this point it comes down to strength of character, endurance, and our ability to bounce back from rejection that allows us to decide if this path is right for us.
All I will say is that only we can know what what we really want from a situation and how much we feel we are in control of it, even if this means facing an emotion we feel we cannot. I turn to the words of a great but rather unknown musician to sum up my point, Belinda Gillett - The Girl who disappeared, 'Don't throw your life away in fear'.
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