I have been thinking lately about how difficult it is to control what we remember, and how much our memories control our lives. Memories are defined as 'an image or impression of one that is remembered'. What we remember is subjective but perhaps it cannot be controlled at all.
Often we believe that it is in our best interest to banish certain memories from our psyche. For example, at the end of an era a mourning process begins and we must focus our attentions upon our new lives. Therefore recalling fond memories, pouring over old photos and mourning over lost laughs can be detrimental to the healing process.
Our time to reflect and remember our past can be quite therapeutic and fill our minds with a time when we experienced great happiness. As Tennessee Williams beautifully describes, 'In memory everything seems to happen to music'. However when our memories are negative we naturally become depressed and wish we could erase them completely.
An ironic part of this process occurs when we try desperately to not think of a certain event, person or specific memory. At this time everything around seems to remind us of exactly what we are trying to forget. Is this an unlikely coincidence? The devil on our shoulder making life extra difficult? Or simply our lack of control exposing itself further?
Naturally it is a waste of time and effort fighting to control something we ultimately cannot. A life with memories, good and bad is better than a life with nothing. We need to remember any lessons learnt, experiences had and dreams that may become realities and if a few reminders and memories help us on the way, then so be it.
Tuesday 22 June 2010
Wednesday 9 June 2010
Avoiding the inevitable
'And now the end is near, and so I face the final curtain' Good old Frank Sinatra there in 'My Way' talking how the pride of achievement can be see as quite amusing when we look back on everything we have faced to get there.
Now as I am fast approaching the end of my degree, my final show and having to say goodbye to many special people, I am burdened with many mixed emotions. The last three years have been some of the best and worst times of my life, and all the memories will stay with me for what I hope to be a very long time. While some have had their fill of education, and are eager to return to their families and quite happy to say a brief, dry -eyed goodbye to their University days, others react differently. For them, the mere idea that we will all be going our separate ways, and many of the friends we have made we will realistically never see again is too much to bear. Some are not moving back home and so their future begins from their university town, but life will be very different when everyone they know has moved on.
The underlying entity that is present here is the inevitable. The unavoidable, definite, foreboding occurrence that no person can control but only await. This becomes particularly confusing when the inevitable provides positive and negative outcomes. I have two days left of University, I am extremely excited about the final show and want to get through a long day of rehearsing to perform one final time with all the friends I have made. However, after that show everyone is going to leave.
'Packing' has become a dirty word in the last week, none of us want to even think of starting and those that have started, find that the task provides further reminders of the last three years making it even more difficult to continue. I have tried to slightly pack and just sat in the midst of boxes and papers, despairing at the thought of having nowhere at home to put all my various belongings and accumulated items. Walking past my flatmates room to find furniture missing and the walls bare, I avert my eyes to pretend that she is not actually leaving.
Watching half my year group perform their final show last night, provided me with tears of pride at what they had accomplished over the three years. It is amazing that at times like this we can banish all negativity, regrets and injustices and focus on the positive memories, lessons learnt and relationships made. We can all say goodbye, cry and embrace and have a few drinks to celebrate what was good and then go our separate ways. It is only once the summer has passed, and September arrives without a new term, module guide or pub crawl that we will realise that the inevitable has finally arrived.
After reminiscing, worrying, anticipating the end and feeling quite anxious about how it is going to affect me. I suddenly realise that it hasn't happened just yet. So why not hold off the tears and empty feelings, and embrace the here and now as A.J.P Taylor reminds us 'Nothing is inevitable, until it happens'and well-known in the world of show business,'The show must go on'.
Now as I am fast approaching the end of my degree, my final show and having to say goodbye to many special people, I am burdened with many mixed emotions. The last three years have been some of the best and worst times of my life, and all the memories will stay with me for what I hope to be a very long time. While some have had their fill of education, and are eager to return to their families and quite happy to say a brief, dry -eyed goodbye to their University days, others react differently. For them, the mere idea that we will all be going our separate ways, and many of the friends we have made we will realistically never see again is too much to bear. Some are not moving back home and so their future begins from their university town, but life will be very different when everyone they know has moved on.
The underlying entity that is present here is the inevitable. The unavoidable, definite, foreboding occurrence that no person can control but only await. This becomes particularly confusing when the inevitable provides positive and negative outcomes. I have two days left of University, I am extremely excited about the final show and want to get through a long day of rehearsing to perform one final time with all the friends I have made. However, after that show everyone is going to leave.
'Packing' has become a dirty word in the last week, none of us want to even think of starting and those that have started, find that the task provides further reminders of the last three years making it even more difficult to continue. I have tried to slightly pack and just sat in the midst of boxes and papers, despairing at the thought of having nowhere at home to put all my various belongings and accumulated items. Walking past my flatmates room to find furniture missing and the walls bare, I avert my eyes to pretend that she is not actually leaving.
Watching half my year group perform their final show last night, provided me with tears of pride at what they had accomplished over the three years. It is amazing that at times like this we can banish all negativity, regrets and injustices and focus on the positive memories, lessons learnt and relationships made. We can all say goodbye, cry and embrace and have a few drinks to celebrate what was good and then go our separate ways. It is only once the summer has passed, and September arrives without a new term, module guide or pub crawl that we will realise that the inevitable has finally arrived.
After reminiscing, worrying, anticipating the end and feeling quite anxious about how it is going to affect me. I suddenly realise that it hasn't happened just yet. So why not hold off the tears and empty feelings, and embrace the here and now as A.J.P Taylor reminds us 'Nothing is inevitable, until it happens'and well-known in the world of show business,'The show must go on'.
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