...does the guy you really fancy tell you that you're beautiful.
I just came back from watching, 'The lovely Bones' at the cinema. After indulging in the intense thriller that explores the idea of limbo, where those that are dead wander while contemplating their unfinished business, I left entertained but focused on a scene that all together held little significance to the main storyline.
The same simple romance scene is replayed in almost every film. The lead is fixated and obsessed with one person and by some stroke of luck they happen to return the favour. It's the teenage girl that writes the name of her crush on all her books, he's the unattainable jock, captain of the football team or wannabe rock star who suddenly utters the phrase she's always dreamt of, 'wanna go out sometime?' (I'm not sure why he is American, that is not essential but you get the gist).
This plot line can be used for many reasons; to set up the perfect happy ending in order to demolish it for a surprise twist, or to set up the perfect happy ending so the audience can suspend disbelief and be transported into a fantasy world for a few hours and escape their humdrum lives. These happy endings are then anticipated and expected by audiences and so if the credits roll without them we feel angry and empty. (I explained this need in the my first post). Unfortunately these fantasy story lines only end up highlighting the absence of them in our real lives and therefore insinuate the harsh reality that happiness is always fantastical.
People fall in love everyday, so we can't assume that each of these romantic journeys haven't created a little fantastical happiness. However, the journeys in our lives that we can honestly say encompass true happiness just seem rare, unusual and can normally be counted on one hand. Isn't that the point? Shouldn't true love be absolute, simply because it leaves no room for anything else? However what if true love is never found? Do we stop living, learning, seeking the fantasy? Maybe that is another reason why film-making has become such an art. It takes us on a journey, a leap of faith, a rebellion without moving from the comfort of our sofa or blows it up on the big screen for that extra magnified experience. It is so easy, so accessible, so fantastical.
After the spectacle of cinema, the idea of Reality creates bitterness which in turns creates resentment. I have read that Christians believe that God created good and evil in order for humans to have free will so they can make the choice between right and wrong. Maybe this can relate into other matters also. Life is messy, complicated, unpredictable, unfathomable and that is why we crave it. We are born with an innate ability to live, learn, create and experience life, all parts of it. If life was a fantasy, everything and everyone would be perfect and films would have nothing to portray. So Orange Wednesdays wouldn't need to exist. I don't know about you, but I think that would be a real shame! Roll on another fictional love story, until the real one decides to appear I will be satisfied with the fantasy.
Wednesday 24 February 2010
Tuesday 23 February 2010
Luck, a man-made idea?
Do you ever take time out of your day to wonder how luck has played a part in it?
The idea of luck centers around chance, fate and faith, all things we ultimately have no control over. We normally become aware of luck when we notice it's absence. We believe a pre-determined force is out to get us, after experiencing a sudden negative turn of events or upon hearing some bad news. If this negative pattern continues we then label ourselves as unlucky. However, what does luck actually signify and how can we be sure it exists and it is not just a coincidence disguised in a man made ideology created to increase hope? By definition luck is 'a force that brings good fortune or adversity' or 'a favoring chance.' Therefore it's existence is an added bonus, but it's absence just joins the end of a long list of attributes, qualities and objects we don't have, but nevertheless depress us further because we don't understand why we don't have them.
Luck can be measured on a variety of levels, depending on how you view it. There are universal symbols of luck such as the four-leaf clover and Irish leprechaun. We also collect personal items throughout over lives that prove lucky for us. This could be a favourite pair of underwear, piece of jewelery, photo or general keepsake. Whether these items are lucky we will never know. It is questionable whether our belief in them, tips the scales to creating a positive outcome when they are near, or if the luck surrounding them is merely a random turn of events.
Symbols of bad luck usually center around superstitions, involving breaking mirrors, black cats crossing paths and the number thirteen. Do we believe in these myths to provide a reason for our fear of making a mistake or choosing the wrong path? Certain acts are often created to promote fairness and assure the outcome is left to chance, for example when names are picked out of a hat. Sometimes our faith is tested when our prior expectations are proved correct and so cynical thinking comes into play. This can therefore remind us of how unlucky we are or suggest the idea that luck cannot exist as humans will always intervene and upset the natural and supposed random order of things.
We can also ask how much is luck dependant on free will? We live our day to day lives and make choices, some big and some small. Along the way luck intervenes and either helps or hinders us. It's presence can sometimes belittle achievement, as we believe our constant efforts are often wasted as an unknown element is in complete control waiting to shine it's light on us and seal our fate. Luck is also an idea used as an excuse for uncertainty. If we cannot be completely sure of something we say it is all down to luck. Therefore humans are absolved of error and blame, as whatever they do they cannot be sue of anything, because luck does not knock before it enters. The element of surprise then becomes our safe house. How does that make any sense?
We come back again to the idea of subjectivity. One person might consider constantly tripping up and walking into things a sign of bad luck, whereas another might look upon this as a clumsy behavioral habit that could be passed down genetically. Similar to irony, good luck normally pays a visit to someone else when you are feeling particularly in need of it. This is described in the great words of Alanis Morissette in her song Ironic, 'it's meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife'. Now the reaction to this differs from person to person. Some, like myself, read into situations of irony, fate and luck and believe that there is a reason why each of them have occurred at that precise moment. Others refuse to believe that such a power can exist without human interference. Unfortunately neither can be assumed as right or wrong.
Most unknown, invisible, ideas, notions and beliefs are linked together magically in a web of intangible mystery. Some believe that a man makes his own luck, others believe it is bestowed at random selection. The idea of luck simplistically is hope. Hope that on your birthday the sun will shine. Hope that you will excel at that job interview. Hope that you will one day fall in love with someone who loves you back. Hope that something good can happen to you and it not be in the form of payment, guilt or necessity. Hope that something good can happen to you for no other reason than at that particular moment of that particular day you just happened to deserve it.
The idea of luck centers around chance, fate and faith, all things we ultimately have no control over. We normally become aware of luck when we notice it's absence. We believe a pre-determined force is out to get us, after experiencing a sudden negative turn of events or upon hearing some bad news. If this negative pattern continues we then label ourselves as unlucky. However, what does luck actually signify and how can we be sure it exists and it is not just a coincidence disguised in a man made ideology created to increase hope? By definition luck is 'a force that brings good fortune or adversity' or 'a favoring chance.' Therefore it's existence is an added bonus, but it's absence just joins the end of a long list of attributes, qualities and objects we don't have, but nevertheless depress us further because we don't understand why we don't have them.
Luck can be measured on a variety of levels, depending on how you view it. There are universal symbols of luck such as the four-leaf clover and Irish leprechaun. We also collect personal items throughout over lives that prove lucky for us. This could be a favourite pair of underwear, piece of jewelery, photo or general keepsake. Whether these items are lucky we will never know. It is questionable whether our belief in them, tips the scales to creating a positive outcome when they are near, or if the luck surrounding them is merely a random turn of events.
Symbols of bad luck usually center around superstitions, involving breaking mirrors, black cats crossing paths and the number thirteen. Do we believe in these myths to provide a reason for our fear of making a mistake or choosing the wrong path? Certain acts are often created to promote fairness and assure the outcome is left to chance, for example when names are picked out of a hat. Sometimes our faith is tested when our prior expectations are proved correct and so cynical thinking comes into play. This can therefore remind us of how unlucky we are or suggest the idea that luck cannot exist as humans will always intervene and upset the natural and supposed random order of things.
We can also ask how much is luck dependant on free will? We live our day to day lives and make choices, some big and some small. Along the way luck intervenes and either helps or hinders us. It's presence can sometimes belittle achievement, as we believe our constant efforts are often wasted as an unknown element is in complete control waiting to shine it's light on us and seal our fate. Luck is also an idea used as an excuse for uncertainty. If we cannot be completely sure of something we say it is all down to luck. Therefore humans are absolved of error and blame, as whatever they do they cannot be sue of anything, because luck does not knock before it enters. The element of surprise then becomes our safe house. How does that make any sense?
We come back again to the idea of subjectivity. One person might consider constantly tripping up and walking into things a sign of bad luck, whereas another might look upon this as a clumsy behavioral habit that could be passed down genetically. Similar to irony, good luck normally pays a visit to someone else when you are feeling particularly in need of it. This is described in the great words of Alanis Morissette in her song Ironic, 'it's meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife'. Now the reaction to this differs from person to person. Some, like myself, read into situations of irony, fate and luck and believe that there is a reason why each of them have occurred at that precise moment. Others refuse to believe that such a power can exist without human interference. Unfortunately neither can be assumed as right or wrong.
Most unknown, invisible, ideas, notions and beliefs are linked together magically in a web of intangible mystery. Some believe that a man makes his own luck, others believe it is bestowed at random selection. The idea of luck simplistically is hope. Hope that on your birthday the sun will shine. Hope that you will excel at that job interview. Hope that you will one day fall in love with someone who loves you back. Hope that something good can happen to you and it not be in the form of payment, guilt or necessity. Hope that something good can happen to you for no other reason than at that particular moment of that particular day you just happened to deserve it.
Wednesday 17 February 2010
A roller coaster of randomers
Had an interesting couple of evenings out, which have spurred a few discussion points among friends. I am actually getting requests for posts now!
Nights out differ depending where you go I guess, but there are always the stereotypical groups of people you expect to see. Without fail there will be the under-dressed group of girls that go out in the freezing depths of winter, wearing belt sized skirts and not being prudish at all, you just want to go and give them a pair of tights! Not only to keep them warm but for them to leave something to the imagination!
There's the group of loud lads, normally with a mixture of accents who are 'fashionably' dressed and great at commanding attention. Now you can meet these on the way to a club, when they normally start a conversation about your outfit, hair etc, or you can meet them afterwards, burger in their hand as they invite you back to their place for a cup of tea. (Yeah right!)
Most weekends you are bound to see a group in fancy dress or be wearing some yourself. This could be a hen night, pub golf or an excuse to wear tutus and bunny ears. It normally provokes conversations, fights over who stole who's hat and the photos uploaded on facebook after are always hilarious.
There is always the drunken pervy pair of men who manage to 'subtlety' follow you around the dance floor, with eyes popping out of their sockets as they try to woo you with their dad dancing. If you are in a bar it's even worse, as they invite themselves into your personal space and simply watch you as you talk to your mates as you try as much as possible to ignore them, waiting for them to get bored and move on.
Not as common as the others, but you get them from time to time, (I got three the other night!) are the people who stop you to ask for money. Some spin elaborate but convincing stories about how they cant get home, while others simply ask for twenty pence to get a cuppa. We can usually refuse guilt free as most of these people have sat drinking in the pub for the previous twenty-four hours, spending their last few pennies on booze and therefore do not deserve our sympathy. So we can invent an excuse and not feel ungenerous in the slightest. Upon refusal some are practised in the art and increase the severity of their stories or turn on the waterworks. Others resort to insults and often tell you to shove your money up certain orifices (my mate was asked to shove a spoon up one of hers...the mind boggles!)
There's always the loud, mismatched group, involving a mixture of gays, drag queens and performing arts students. These dominate the space, break out into dance routines like those seen in the cheesy American chick flicks where all the characters know the moves, without prior rehearsal. This group will often start dance wars on the floor, they are not elitist and will except anyone into their circle as long as they are fashionably dressed, a great dancer or really good looking!
After the night out, there is plenty more fun to be had in the chippy or on the sidewalk. You can watch the aftermath of breakups and cat fights as girls weep into their cheesy chips. Some stumble around, heels in hand as they followed the rule 'pain is beauty' and the look on their face now shows how much they regret it. There is the token couple in the kebab cue, who you can tell have just met but can't take a break from their tonsil tennis long enough to order their food. There are the random hyper people who insist they are not drunk but start bets, dares and philosophical debates with total strangers. You pass groups arguing over taxis, people spewing up at bus stops and those still dancing to their own silent disco on the pavement. Okay so I have lived in Colchester for the past few years but I am pretty sure this happens everywhere!
The funny thing is, that even though these groups are all stereotypes, I am confident that we can all say we have fitted into one of them at some point. My mate reminded me that on a single night, the random people you dance with, or speak to in the ATM cue, you will never see again. So it is always fun to let loose and have a laugh. This plan did spectacularly backfire on her as we chatted to a group of off-duty policeman in Subway who she later realised she had met before! This was only after I had done the splits to prove we would beat them in a flexibility contest! Like I said before, hyper but completely sober!
I guess it all comes down to a bit of excitement and drama. We all like a little in our lives, and some have more than others. A night out is usually an excuse to welcome irrational fun, to dress up and feel good, to let go and above all to have a bloody good time with our friends and anyone else we bump into. Thank you to all the randomers we meet on the night out roller coaster, what an exciting ride you make it!
Nights out differ depending where you go I guess, but there are always the stereotypical groups of people you expect to see. Without fail there will be the under-dressed group of girls that go out in the freezing depths of winter, wearing belt sized skirts and not being prudish at all, you just want to go and give them a pair of tights! Not only to keep them warm but for them to leave something to the imagination!
There's the group of loud lads, normally with a mixture of accents who are 'fashionably' dressed and great at commanding attention. Now you can meet these on the way to a club, when they normally start a conversation about your outfit, hair etc, or you can meet them afterwards, burger in their hand as they invite you back to their place for a cup of tea. (Yeah right!)
Most weekends you are bound to see a group in fancy dress or be wearing some yourself. This could be a hen night, pub golf or an excuse to wear tutus and bunny ears. It normally provokes conversations, fights over who stole who's hat and the photos uploaded on facebook after are always hilarious.
There is always the drunken pervy pair of men who manage to 'subtlety' follow you around the dance floor, with eyes popping out of their sockets as they try to woo you with their dad dancing. If you are in a bar it's even worse, as they invite themselves into your personal space and simply watch you as you talk to your mates as you try as much as possible to ignore them, waiting for them to get bored and move on.
Not as common as the others, but you get them from time to time, (I got three the other night!) are the people who stop you to ask for money. Some spin elaborate but convincing stories about how they cant get home, while others simply ask for twenty pence to get a cuppa. We can usually refuse guilt free as most of these people have sat drinking in the pub for the previous twenty-four hours, spending their last few pennies on booze and therefore do not deserve our sympathy. So we can invent an excuse and not feel ungenerous in the slightest. Upon refusal some are practised in the art and increase the severity of their stories or turn on the waterworks. Others resort to insults and often tell you to shove your money up certain orifices (my mate was asked to shove a spoon up one of hers...the mind boggles!)
There's always the loud, mismatched group, involving a mixture of gays, drag queens and performing arts students. These dominate the space, break out into dance routines like those seen in the cheesy American chick flicks where all the characters know the moves, without prior rehearsal. This group will often start dance wars on the floor, they are not elitist and will except anyone into their circle as long as they are fashionably dressed, a great dancer or really good looking!
After the night out, there is plenty more fun to be had in the chippy or on the sidewalk. You can watch the aftermath of breakups and cat fights as girls weep into their cheesy chips. Some stumble around, heels in hand as they followed the rule 'pain is beauty' and the look on their face now shows how much they regret it. There is the token couple in the kebab cue, who you can tell have just met but can't take a break from their tonsil tennis long enough to order their food. There are the random hyper people who insist they are not drunk but start bets, dares and philosophical debates with total strangers. You pass groups arguing over taxis, people spewing up at bus stops and those still dancing to their own silent disco on the pavement. Okay so I have lived in Colchester for the past few years but I am pretty sure this happens everywhere!
The funny thing is, that even though these groups are all stereotypes, I am confident that we can all say we have fitted into one of them at some point. My mate reminded me that on a single night, the random people you dance with, or speak to in the ATM cue, you will never see again. So it is always fun to let loose and have a laugh. This plan did spectacularly backfire on her as we chatted to a group of off-duty policeman in Subway who she later realised she had met before! This was only after I had done the splits to prove we would beat them in a flexibility contest! Like I said before, hyper but completely sober!
I guess it all comes down to a bit of excitement and drama. We all like a little in our lives, and some have more than others. A night out is usually an excuse to welcome irrational fun, to dress up and feel good, to let go and above all to have a bloody good time with our friends and anyone else we bump into. Thank you to all the randomers we meet on the night out roller coaster, what an exciting ride you make it!
Sunday 14 February 2010
Is it written?
I have always been fascinated by the idea of fate. The belief that an inanimate controlling force is at work somewhere, tipping the scales and rocking the boat.
I guess this belief would denounce the existence of a God, however I have an incling that both beings of power may be out there co-existing. Once fate comes into play the idea of free will is also knocked out of the equation. Some believe that fate is in charge of a master plan laid out for us the minute we are born which leads to our destiny upon our death. I however see fate more as a guideline, it provides us with signs, clues along the way of life which, if we choose to see them can point to a path. How do we know if it is the correct one? We don't.
Similar to religion, belief in fate requires a certain about of blind faith. The cynics would say that signs and themes are created by us in a poor attempt to over-analyse every situation to make it fit a pattern. We are conditioned as humans to stick to the positive and disregard the negative as much as possible. However, when we are surrounded by negativity, bad luck and clouds with what can only be described as a pencil lining, we start to wonder if we are missing the bigger picture. Has fate intervened? Is someone trying to tell us something? Are we on the brink of a sudden self-discovery? Or have we made a fatal error and this is our punishment? As much for self-preservation than anything else, those more spiritually minded tend to use fate as an answer when they can find no other. I place myself firmly in this category.
I do not automatically believe that the cause of everything is fate induced. I think that there can be re-curring themes in every day life that highlight things we need to be aware of in some way. Examples of these would be co-incidence, irony, hindsight and of course intuition. When these things occur they are often annoyances and are only remembered with bitterness. However, when explored they can normally shed some decent light on the situation at hand and often show an opposite viewpoint or final outcome that wasn't available before. Most films of the romantic nature will contain some message or theme that fate and destiny do exist and play a part in our lives.
A good example of this is the spectacular Slumdog Millionaire, which in its opening credits poses a question for the audience with possible answers, one of which reads, 'It is written.' The premise of the film rests on the belief that human strength, understanding or intimidation cannot be a match for fate and sometimes there is no reason why or how, it just has to be accepted. Serendipity and Fools Rush In are boths classic film examples depicting this idea. Aside from their sickening but magical storylines which fit perfectly in the romantic comedy genre, they aim to show how signs are everywhere, and everyone loses their way from time to time and need some guidance.
Apart from guidance, what we all search for on a daily basis is answers. We constantly have to decide if we are making the right decisions. We require proof, compliments, acknowledgement that we are on the correct path. Fate can give us this assurance, and provide some answers, but not all of them. Still this realisation is usually only evident after hindsight when a coincidence becomes obvious in an ironic display of intuition! It may be written but it is not always fun to read!
I guess this belief would denounce the existence of a God, however I have an incling that both beings of power may be out there co-existing. Once fate comes into play the idea of free will is also knocked out of the equation. Some believe that fate is in charge of a master plan laid out for us the minute we are born which leads to our destiny upon our death. I however see fate more as a guideline, it provides us with signs, clues along the way of life which, if we choose to see them can point to a path. How do we know if it is the correct one? We don't.
Similar to religion, belief in fate requires a certain about of blind faith. The cynics would say that signs and themes are created by us in a poor attempt to over-analyse every situation to make it fit a pattern. We are conditioned as humans to stick to the positive and disregard the negative as much as possible. However, when we are surrounded by negativity, bad luck and clouds with what can only be described as a pencil lining, we start to wonder if we are missing the bigger picture. Has fate intervened? Is someone trying to tell us something? Are we on the brink of a sudden self-discovery? Or have we made a fatal error and this is our punishment? As much for self-preservation than anything else, those more spiritually minded tend to use fate as an answer when they can find no other. I place myself firmly in this category.
I do not automatically believe that the cause of everything is fate induced. I think that there can be re-curring themes in every day life that highlight things we need to be aware of in some way. Examples of these would be co-incidence, irony, hindsight and of course intuition. When these things occur they are often annoyances and are only remembered with bitterness. However, when explored they can normally shed some decent light on the situation at hand and often show an opposite viewpoint or final outcome that wasn't available before. Most films of the romantic nature will contain some message or theme that fate and destiny do exist and play a part in our lives.
A good example of this is the spectacular Slumdog Millionaire, which in its opening credits poses a question for the audience with possible answers, one of which reads, 'It is written.' The premise of the film rests on the belief that human strength, understanding or intimidation cannot be a match for fate and sometimes there is no reason why or how, it just has to be accepted. Serendipity and Fools Rush In are boths classic film examples depicting this idea. Aside from their sickening but magical storylines which fit perfectly in the romantic comedy genre, they aim to show how signs are everywhere, and everyone loses their way from time to time and need some guidance.
Apart from guidance, what we all search for on a daily basis is answers. We constantly have to decide if we are making the right decisions. We require proof, compliments, acknowledgement that we are on the correct path. Fate can give us this assurance, and provide some answers, but not all of them. Still this realisation is usually only evident after hindsight when a coincidence becomes obvious in an ironic display of intuition! It may be written but it is not always fun to read!
Thursday 11 February 2010
To flirt or not to flirt, how to is the question...
How do you flirt successfully? This is a problem I have realised we all have come across at one point or another in our lives and it has been a focus of mine recently.
I would love to sit here and come up with a complete full-proof list of flirting guidelines for both sexes. However, I feel I am completely inexperienced in this area. It seems that no recipe of flirting success can be guaranteed. I mean there are a few generalisations and tips as a rule of thumb. For example, men cannot take hints or subtlety in any capacity and need our feelings spelled out for them! What if this means scaring them away? It is simply just a minefield and no amount of analysing ever seems to find a sure resolution.
We have the old fashioned customs detailing of how the guy should always make the first move. However, I have always been a firm believer that there is no reason why a girl can't do the same. It's films like He's just not that into you that depict single women as needy and desperate disasters who spend their time pining after missed opportunities, exes and men way out of their league. The complete message of that film is that no girl should ever take a chance on a guy or show him any interest at all, as the men hold the complete power and if they don't make a move then they are just not that into you! Sorry but I completely disagree with this belief. Which is probably why most of my friends after seeing the film, said that the main character (an annoying, womanising, desperate girl) was modelled on me! Great.
I guess the reason there are no rules for this, is that attraction, connection and love are all measured completely differently from person to person. To steal a quote from another great Rom Com, Win a date with Tad Hamilton, 'Everyone has their Tad Hamilton', For anyone who hasn't seen the film, Tad is like Brad Pitt! Meaning that everyone has a person they crave and fancy so much that they are like a famous pinup to them and for everyone that person is different. I often find myself looking at a slightly mismatched couple and quite judgmentally wondering how they have come to be together. Then logic sets in and I realise, that they simply just love each other.
Maybe it is the circles I travel in but I seem to find that men are often hypocritical when it comes to what they want from women. It is said in magazines galore that men like a strong woman, they like someone who can look after herself, they like curves and confidence. However the women I always seem to see men after, are apathetic, wimpy females, who believe it is attractive to seem completely helpless and unintelligent. Maybe men turn to these women because they are an easy target and are therefore willing to pander to their requests, who knows?
Also how do we measure the words 'fancy' or 'flirt'? Some people would say they fancy someone they just like the look of in a bar, but others would say they cannot fancy someone they don't actually know. Fancy is defined as an 'amorous love' which doesn't indicate any relevance to outward appearances. Still it is strange how we can simply be drawn to someone just from the way they look. Nowadays especially for the younger generation I'd say sexual attraction plays a huge part in the initial making a move process. When it comes to flirting there are so many different techniques, the whole thing gets quite confusing! For starters some people are natural flirters and incorporate a cheeky, flattering, tactile, humour into their personality with everyone they meet, this can often be very puzzling to the opposite sex. Others however are very reserved and would be able to successfully hide their feelings for another, for a vast amount of time without anyone catching on.
What I find hard is trying to figure out if the object of your desire would even be remotely interested in you at all! This is so difficult without making an obvious move and then being given an obvious yes/no answer back. I guess like everything flirting takes patience, something most of us do not have. In our busy, hectic lives everything moves so fast and we expect love and attraction to begin and continue rapidly in this ongoing motion. It also depends on the person you are. Some people can move on from their potential points of interest quite quickly, whereas others only invest time in the people they believe to be their soul mate, these objects of unrequited love then become attached to someone else, and are so labelled,'the one that got away'. (This is also the name of a great Pink song from her fourth album I'm not Dead)
One point that always comes up is to not look for love or relationships, as they will find you. Again I sometimes disagree with this point, much like the disagreement over whether luck is a random ray of sunshine shone down from a higher being, or simply the result of a man's own actions. I think love can be written in the stars, or put down to fate, the gods, the planets, or anything believed to have a gravitational pull, scientifically or metaphorically on human beings on earth. However, I also believe we can make our own luck by putting our feelings on the line when it matters, and stepping into the firing line knowing we may get burnt. Otherwise how do we learn if what we are feeling is real? At this point it comes down to strength of character, endurance, and our ability to bounce back from rejection that allows us to decide if this path is right for us.
All I will say is that only we can know what what we really want from a situation and how much we feel we are in control of it, even if this means facing an emotion we feel we cannot. I turn to the words of a great but rather unknown musician to sum up my point, Belinda Gillett - The Girl who disappeared, 'Don't throw your life away in fear'.
I would love to sit here and come up with a complete full-proof list of flirting guidelines for both sexes. However, I feel I am completely inexperienced in this area. It seems that no recipe of flirting success can be guaranteed. I mean there are a few generalisations and tips as a rule of thumb. For example, men cannot take hints or subtlety in any capacity and need our feelings spelled out for them! What if this means scaring them away? It is simply just a minefield and no amount of analysing ever seems to find a sure resolution.
We have the old fashioned customs detailing of how the guy should always make the first move. However, I have always been a firm believer that there is no reason why a girl can't do the same. It's films like He's just not that into you that depict single women as needy and desperate disasters who spend their time pining after missed opportunities, exes and men way out of their league. The complete message of that film is that no girl should ever take a chance on a guy or show him any interest at all, as the men hold the complete power and if they don't make a move then they are just not that into you! Sorry but I completely disagree with this belief. Which is probably why most of my friends after seeing the film, said that the main character (an annoying, womanising, desperate girl) was modelled on me! Great.
I guess the reason there are no rules for this, is that attraction, connection and love are all measured completely differently from person to person. To steal a quote from another great Rom Com, Win a date with Tad Hamilton, 'Everyone has their Tad Hamilton', For anyone who hasn't seen the film, Tad is like Brad Pitt! Meaning that everyone has a person they crave and fancy so much that they are like a famous pinup to them and for everyone that person is different. I often find myself looking at a slightly mismatched couple and quite judgmentally wondering how they have come to be together. Then logic sets in and I realise, that they simply just love each other.
Maybe it is the circles I travel in but I seem to find that men are often hypocritical when it comes to what they want from women. It is said in magazines galore that men like a strong woman, they like someone who can look after herself, they like curves and confidence. However the women I always seem to see men after, are apathetic, wimpy females, who believe it is attractive to seem completely helpless and unintelligent. Maybe men turn to these women because they are an easy target and are therefore willing to pander to their requests, who knows?
Also how do we measure the words 'fancy' or 'flirt'? Some people would say they fancy someone they just like the look of in a bar, but others would say they cannot fancy someone they don't actually know. Fancy is defined as an 'amorous love' which doesn't indicate any relevance to outward appearances. Still it is strange how we can simply be drawn to someone just from the way they look. Nowadays especially for the younger generation I'd say sexual attraction plays a huge part in the initial making a move process. When it comes to flirting there are so many different techniques, the whole thing gets quite confusing! For starters some people are natural flirters and incorporate a cheeky, flattering, tactile, humour into their personality with everyone they meet, this can often be very puzzling to the opposite sex. Others however are very reserved and would be able to successfully hide their feelings for another, for a vast amount of time without anyone catching on.
What I find hard is trying to figure out if the object of your desire would even be remotely interested in you at all! This is so difficult without making an obvious move and then being given an obvious yes/no answer back. I guess like everything flirting takes patience, something most of us do not have. In our busy, hectic lives everything moves so fast and we expect love and attraction to begin and continue rapidly in this ongoing motion. It also depends on the person you are. Some people can move on from their potential points of interest quite quickly, whereas others only invest time in the people they believe to be their soul mate, these objects of unrequited love then become attached to someone else, and are so labelled,'the one that got away'. (This is also the name of a great Pink song from her fourth album I'm not Dead)
One point that always comes up is to not look for love or relationships, as they will find you. Again I sometimes disagree with this point, much like the disagreement over whether luck is a random ray of sunshine shone down from a higher being, or simply the result of a man's own actions. I think love can be written in the stars, or put down to fate, the gods, the planets, or anything believed to have a gravitational pull, scientifically or metaphorically on human beings on earth. However, I also believe we can make our own luck by putting our feelings on the line when it matters, and stepping into the firing line knowing we may get burnt. Otherwise how do we learn if what we are feeling is real? At this point it comes down to strength of character, endurance, and our ability to bounce back from rejection that allows us to decide if this path is right for us.
All I will say is that only we can know what what we really want from a situation and how much we feel we are in control of it, even if this means facing an emotion we feel we cannot. I turn to the words of a great but rather unknown musician to sum up my point, Belinda Gillett - The Girl who disappeared, 'Don't throw your life away in fear'.
Wednesday 10 February 2010
Guess who?
Thought as the time was drawing near, I should share my feelings on the public holiday of 14th February. Yes that's right, Valentines Day.
St Valentine, was actually the name of many Saints who were killed in Ancient Rome. We do not know if this day celebrates all or just one of them. According to Jack Oruch, the tradition of Valentines Day did not exist until Geoffrey Chaucer created it in his fictional stories. Which brings me nicely onto the fact that we as a modern society have created our own version of a tradition that has become mainly a shopkeepers delight and a customers despair.
As soon as February begins, all the shops decorate their windows in red with lots of cupids and hearts, all fit for a Tin Man's convention. In particular, florists, chocolate shops and perfumeries expect a vast amount of business at this time, as they sell the normal gifts associated with this time of year at extortionate prices. In America alone, Valentines Day generates about £9 million - Is that the price of love? I guess no girl can ever refuse a bouquets of perfect red roses. (Well unless she is allergic of course) Chocolate is the way to anyone's heart these days and cute cards never fail to be romantic. Card websites such as moonpig.com sell personalised cards which are a sure success. However one read ' Andrew you and I are pretty usual. I am pretty and you are usual'. Anyone who sends that card is surely missing the point, maybe they think Valentines Day means 'dumping day!'
Now there are many opinions about the necessity of Valentines Day. Some believe it is just a product of consumerism designed to exploit the public and tarnish one of the true and honest things we have left in life; love. Others however enjoy the date, as they see it as an excuse to devote time and attention to their partner, that they wouldn't normally be able to. The argument to this however is, that couples should say 'I love you' everyday and so should not need to feel united by a date in order to show their love. Some however would say that an overuse of the phrase destroys its honesty and so they save it for personal special occasions only and not ones universally accepted.
I find that the importance of Valentines Day to a couple usually depends on the length of their relationship. Those in the honeymoon period might use the day as an excuse to be romantic, on the other hand a married couple might use it to re-capture their romance. I guess the whole premise is very subjective (There goes that word again!)
The single most infuriating aspect of the holiday has to be that its existence ensures that anyone who is single on that faithful date feels more alone and undesirable than any other day. I would guess that the most affected are single women who often feel like they need a man in order to function, or those recently dumped by a partner or even widowers. It is funny to think that a man-made tradition has become so widely observed and considered over the years that we allow it to take over our lives and our emotions. There are even Anti-Valentines Day bashes in some parts of America for those that want to openly show their distaste for the commercialised day!
Valentines day at my Secondary school was always fun, there would be a red post box at the front, where people could post their valentines. This was of course great for those that received multiples and humiliating for those that sat with none come February 14th (that was me...) Some parents acknowledged the difficulties of this and often wrote and sent mystery valentines to their children, so they would invest in the excitement of guessing who might have written to them, rather than commiserating their absent card. (I got one a few years running and knew it was my Mum!...if it wasn't please come forward now!)
Seems it all comes back again to this need for a happy ending...or maybe just a need to feel happy, a need for something out of the ordinary, something to look forward to, a need to be spoilt, to feel special, to feel important, to feel loved. I guess we all get used to our everyday lives and if that life includes a partner we get used to them being there and forget sometimes how much they mean to us or how empty we would feel if they were not there anymore.
One of the nice things this day achieves is the belief that it is okay to be demonstrative with love. We can openly and loudly tell someone we love them and not feel embarrassed or exposed but just content and happy that they want to hear it. Shakespeare sums this up beautifully in Macbeth, 'A heart to love, and in that heart, courage, to make love know.'
St Valentine, was actually the name of many Saints who were killed in Ancient Rome. We do not know if this day celebrates all or just one of them. According to Jack Oruch, the tradition of Valentines Day did not exist until Geoffrey Chaucer created it in his fictional stories. Which brings me nicely onto the fact that we as a modern society have created our own version of a tradition that has become mainly a shopkeepers delight and a customers despair.
As soon as February begins, all the shops decorate their windows in red with lots of cupids and hearts, all fit for a Tin Man's convention. In particular, florists, chocolate shops and perfumeries expect a vast amount of business at this time, as they sell the normal gifts associated with this time of year at extortionate prices. In America alone, Valentines Day generates about £9 million - Is that the price of love? I guess no girl can ever refuse a bouquets of perfect red roses. (Well unless she is allergic of course) Chocolate is the way to anyone's heart these days and cute cards never fail to be romantic. Card websites such as moonpig.com sell personalised cards which are a sure success. However one read ' Andrew you and I are pretty usual. I am pretty and you are usual'. Anyone who sends that card is surely missing the point, maybe they think Valentines Day means 'dumping day!'
Now there are many opinions about the necessity of Valentines Day. Some believe it is just a product of consumerism designed to exploit the public and tarnish one of the true and honest things we have left in life; love. Others however enjoy the date, as they see it as an excuse to devote time and attention to their partner, that they wouldn't normally be able to. The argument to this however is, that couples should say 'I love you' everyday and so should not need to feel united by a date in order to show their love. Some however would say that an overuse of the phrase destroys its honesty and so they save it for personal special occasions only and not ones universally accepted.
I find that the importance of Valentines Day to a couple usually depends on the length of their relationship. Those in the honeymoon period might use the day as an excuse to be romantic, on the other hand a married couple might use it to re-capture their romance. I guess the whole premise is very subjective (There goes that word again!)
The single most infuriating aspect of the holiday has to be that its existence ensures that anyone who is single on that faithful date feels more alone and undesirable than any other day. I would guess that the most affected are single women who often feel like they need a man in order to function, or those recently dumped by a partner or even widowers. It is funny to think that a man-made tradition has become so widely observed and considered over the years that we allow it to take over our lives and our emotions. There are even Anti-Valentines Day bashes in some parts of America for those that want to openly show their distaste for the commercialised day!
Valentines day at my Secondary school was always fun, there would be a red post box at the front, where people could post their valentines. This was of course great for those that received multiples and humiliating for those that sat with none come February 14th (that was me...) Some parents acknowledged the difficulties of this and often wrote and sent mystery valentines to their children, so they would invest in the excitement of guessing who might have written to them, rather than commiserating their absent card. (I got one a few years running and knew it was my Mum!...if it wasn't please come forward now!)
Seems it all comes back again to this need for a happy ending...or maybe just a need to feel happy, a need for something out of the ordinary, something to look forward to, a need to be spoilt, to feel special, to feel important, to feel loved. I guess we all get used to our everyday lives and if that life includes a partner we get used to them being there and forget sometimes how much they mean to us or how empty we would feel if they were not there anymore.
One of the nice things this day achieves is the belief that it is okay to be demonstrative with love. We can openly and loudly tell someone we love them and not feel embarrassed or exposed but just content and happy that they want to hear it. Shakespeare sums this up beautifully in Macbeth, 'A heart to love, and in that heart, courage, to make love know.'
Monday 8 February 2010
Love or Hate - There's a fine line....
Have you ever heard about how the feelings behind certain emotions are triggered by the same things? When it comes to how we feel, complete opposites become oddly linked. This is mostly found between the emotions of love and hate. As the famous quote by Francis Smedley says,'All is fair in love and war'.
I think we are often confused by the idea that the people we truly detest and spend our life resenting, being jealous of, or bullied by, we may subconsciously really want to like us. Or maybe we act in a hostile way towards them, because we just don't understand them and haven't taken the time to try.
Most people try to live their life by the rule that hate is a strong word and they should endeavour to avoid using it. By definition, 'hate is an intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury.' The confusion comes when we realise that hate is an intense emotion much like love. If we didn't care about the object of our hate in even a small capacity, we wouldn't spend the time and effort hating them in the first place. This is often why little boys tease and playfully hit girls in order to seem macho, when really they just fancy them. It can take years to reach emotional maturity and so we cannot always fully understand what our deep emotions are trying to tell us. Sigmund Freud observed that 'people are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate'.
What happens then, when we start to confuse our emotions and become unsure what we are actually feeling? When it comes to love, people are often scared to admit they are experiencing something that will mean giving away their heart and soul to someone else, as it also gives them the power to crush that heart or give back their love at any moment. I guess our feelings are greatly ruled by fear.
Our emotions usually change with different people. It has been said that you can choose your friends but you cannot choose your family. Obviously we would choose a romantic partner also. I believe that in terms of love and hate it is not necessarily about choice. The family bond we share with our relatives and loved-ones usually means that we vow to forgive and forget most things. As most grudges are overridden by a greater need for them as a person. What happens however when this can't be achieved? Have we failed in a universal necessity? What if sometimes the only emotion we can feel is hate in the form of anger, disappointment or apathy? I guess an example of this would be when someone finds their partner cheating, or when a child feels betrayed by a parent.
Often when we become accustomed to a situation and a person, we end up accepting them as they are and therefore try to ignore their faults and so fail to see when they are truly in the wrong. Once again if we are always the person to compromise and make-amends we are not ever solving the issue just pushing it further under the rug and building up more dust. I find that the main problems created within relationships come down to unfairness and disrespect. There are varying levels of respect expected depending on the relationship. We hope that in a romantic partnrship, respect would be mutual. It sometimes becomes tricky within family relationships as those with age and experience on their side are expected to recieve greater respect. Children are also taught to respect their elders, that means that however old those children get they will still have relatives older. So what happens when those children become adults and their elder is wrong or unreasonable? Are they absolved of this normal disrespectful behaviour, because this generational belief made no stipulations upon its creation? When it comes to family, the stakes are always higher because the love shared in these relationships is always the strongest. Therefore the opinions and judgements of these people will always matter the most.
I think it important to realise that most things in life are linked in one way or another. Love and hate are so similar because we cannot have one without the other. The same with a sickness and it's cure, in this instance that would signify, a disagreement and a solution. Martin Luther King Jr echoes this point, 'Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illumines it. I guess main item that links all these things is passion whether negative or positive, passion is present in everyday life. It it present within us as human beings in the form of an innate desire to live. Passion for love, Passion for hate, Passion for life. The line may be fine but it is intense nonetheless!
I think we are often confused by the idea that the people we truly detest and spend our life resenting, being jealous of, or bullied by, we may subconsciously really want to like us. Or maybe we act in a hostile way towards them, because we just don't understand them and haven't taken the time to try.
Most people try to live their life by the rule that hate is a strong word and they should endeavour to avoid using it. By definition, 'hate is an intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury.' The confusion comes when we realise that hate is an intense emotion much like love. If we didn't care about the object of our hate in even a small capacity, we wouldn't spend the time and effort hating them in the first place. This is often why little boys tease and playfully hit girls in order to seem macho, when really they just fancy them. It can take years to reach emotional maturity and so we cannot always fully understand what our deep emotions are trying to tell us. Sigmund Freud observed that 'people are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate'.
What happens then, when we start to confuse our emotions and become unsure what we are actually feeling? When it comes to love, people are often scared to admit they are experiencing something that will mean giving away their heart and soul to someone else, as it also gives them the power to crush that heart or give back their love at any moment. I guess our feelings are greatly ruled by fear.
Our emotions usually change with different people. It has been said that you can choose your friends but you cannot choose your family. Obviously we would choose a romantic partner also. I believe that in terms of love and hate it is not necessarily about choice. The family bond we share with our relatives and loved-ones usually means that we vow to forgive and forget most things. As most grudges are overridden by a greater need for them as a person. What happens however when this can't be achieved? Have we failed in a universal necessity? What if sometimes the only emotion we can feel is hate in the form of anger, disappointment or apathy? I guess an example of this would be when someone finds their partner cheating, or when a child feels betrayed by a parent.
Often when we become accustomed to a situation and a person, we end up accepting them as they are and therefore try to ignore their faults and so fail to see when they are truly in the wrong. Once again if we are always the person to compromise and make-amends we are not ever solving the issue just pushing it further under the rug and building up more dust. I find that the main problems created within relationships come down to unfairness and disrespect. There are varying levels of respect expected depending on the relationship. We hope that in a romantic partnrship, respect would be mutual. It sometimes becomes tricky within family relationships as those with age and experience on their side are expected to recieve greater respect. Children are also taught to respect their elders, that means that however old those children get they will still have relatives older. So what happens when those children become adults and their elder is wrong or unreasonable? Are they absolved of this normal disrespectful behaviour, because this generational belief made no stipulations upon its creation? When it comes to family, the stakes are always higher because the love shared in these relationships is always the strongest. Therefore the opinions and judgements of these people will always matter the most.
I think it important to realise that most things in life are linked in one way or another. Love and hate are so similar because we cannot have one without the other. The same with a sickness and it's cure, in this instance that would signify, a disagreement and a solution. Martin Luther King Jr echoes this point, 'Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illumines it. I guess main item that links all these things is passion whether negative or positive, passion is present in everyday life. It it present within us as human beings in the form of an innate desire to live. Passion for love, Passion for hate, Passion for life. The line may be fine but it is intense nonetheless!
Saturday 6 February 2010
Are these my Basoomas I see before me?
Hello, no worries I haven't just suddenly realised that I was born a woman. I have decided to write a less detailed post tonight. I feel slightly written out so thought I would just tell you about one of my favourite things.
The Georgia Nicolson diaries by Louise Rennison. This is a series of ten fictional stories, for teenagers written in the style of a diary by the character Georgia who when we first meet her in 'Angus Thongs and full-frontal snogging' is fourteen years old, struggling with school, friends, her parents and mostly BOYS!
Achieved by the stylistic choice to write in a diary form, Louise manages to make extremely relevant books that can appeal universally to all teenage girls around the world. The writing is comic genius, Georgia literally has her own language and every other word she writes is usually in German or French as she makes fun of the words learnt in her lessons at school. 'I went and stood really near to Jas. She ignorez-voused me.' I don't know why but I always found it hilariously funny to read her moan, 'Quest-ce le point?' as if she has simply asked 'what is the point' it would not have been anywhere near as funny! In the back of the latter books, there is a section called 'Georgia's Glossary' which contains her definitions for all her invented words and for the everyday colloquialisms we use but do not quite know where they come from. For example,'Nippy noodles - Instead of saying "Cor heavens it's quite cold this morning," you say "Cor it's nippy noodles!!" English is an exciting and growing language. it is. Believe me. Just leave it at that. Accept it.' or 'Bugger(ation) - A swear word. It doesn't really mean anything but neither do a lot of swear words. Or parents.' There are also scales for mates, having the hump and snogging, the possibilities for further teenage understanding are endless. She gives you pearls I promise.
I think the greatest achievement of Louise, is that she has created Georgia to be the epitome of every teenage girl. She worries about the size of her nose, whether or not to self-tan, how to snog a boy, how to avoid her parents from embarrassing her on a regular basis, or her four year old sister from peeing in her bed! Her diary updates could be separated from a few hours to a few seconds. We are literally transported into her mind at that moment:
9.00am
Why. Oh why oh why?
9.02am
Why me?
9.03
And I'll just say this. Why?
Just completely ridiculous but equally completely realistic!! We are then not made to feel silly for ever worrying about these things, we see the drastic measures she goes to, just to get a boy to like her. After comparison we can see that we are just as random, silly, and crazy as every other fourteen year old girl.
The first two books were made into one film entitled, 'Angus, thongs and perfect snogging' and directed by Gurinda Chadha released in 2008. Many fans were disappointed with the representation, I however found it sweet, funny and was transported back to my days at school, remembering what it was like to be fourteen myself. Aaron Johnson playing the lead love interest, 'Sex God' as Georgia calls him, may have had something to do with my enjoyment.
I have read the series throughout my teenage years and just went out today to buy the paperback version of her tenth and final book which came out on February 4th entitled 'Are these my basoomas I see in front of me?' I await with the excitement of how it will all turn out for Georgia, I see so much of myself in her as does every other teenage girl out there I am sure, so I am keen to see if she will get her happy ending in hope I might one day too :)
Friday 5 February 2010
Go with you your gut...Food for thought.
Ohhhh...there it goes again. That swirling, twirling, churning brief sensation that exists in the pit of your stomach when you feel something is just not quite right.
Most of us are so in tune with this feeling that if practiced we become accustomed to ignoring it. Theories about intuition have been linked to psychic ability and have now been branded with a new-age controversy. Some believe intuition acts as an involuntary sixth sense, while others might disguise a gut feeling as a hunger pang or stomach ache for fear they are entertaining a ridiculous notion. These people are refusing to see the deeper meaning that this sensation is usually pointing to. By definition,'a gut feeling arises when your brain makes an instant connection between what's happening in the present and a similar circumstance from your past.' I believe this to be a subconscious act and we therefore cannot be sure what these past memories are exactly, we just respond intuitively to a feeling that displays a certain amount of confusion and uncertainty.
The real problem comes when we experience this feeling but purposefully decide to disregard it, believing that we know better. Big mistake. More often than not, hindsight comes into play and we realise just how insightful our digestive system is. However, even the endurance of realisation is not enough to prevent us from repeating the same mistake again and again. We are so full of self-doubt that we cannot possibly believe that our body might be trying to tell us something. In fact sometimes it can be the opposite, we do understand what the sensation is telling us but feel guilty for the decision it could lead us to, and so feel it is better to go for the easier option and deal with the consequences afterwards. Again usually a big mistake. As with most things in life, the proof is in the pudding. Therefore only when we have refused our gut's perceptive tendencies and received some either ironic or plain annoying retrospection, do we feel truly sorry for doubting it's true ability.
I like to think of intuition in the same grey area as coincidence. They are both concepts human beings cannot understand completely and so we are then afraid of them. When a repeated coincidence occurs we search for a meaning, a reason why something that previously has not entered our minds, is now suddenly appearing everywhere. For example, I managed to live twenty years of my life not knowing about the existence of the 1980s Olivia Newton John musical classic that is Xanadu. However, this year I learnt a medley from the show for a showcase and now cannot escape the dulcet tones of the main number. It has been on three different radio stations, featured in TV programmes and adverts! Do not fear I am not now convinced that the themes in Xanadu are now a metaphor for my life or anything,(even though I do remember being a muse in a past life!..hmmm)
I guess in life we have become comfortable with over-analysing, dissecting and calculating every possible outcome, reason, motive, idea that may be the cause of an involuntary response such as a gut instinct. The more spiritually minded individuals might delve deep into the meanings of certain coincidences, or seemingly fate fuelled occurrences. One quote about intuition describes it as 'going your way without inquiring about the way'. I think this demonstrates how cynical we have become in that however real the feeling is, we cannot trust it to be true.
I have recently asked myself many times why I have not gone with my gut...this is usually because I have gone with my heart instead.
Most of us are so in tune with this feeling that if practiced we become accustomed to ignoring it. Theories about intuition have been linked to psychic ability and have now been branded with a new-age controversy. Some believe intuition acts as an involuntary sixth sense, while others might disguise a gut feeling as a hunger pang or stomach ache for fear they are entertaining a ridiculous notion. These people are refusing to see the deeper meaning that this sensation is usually pointing to. By definition,'a gut feeling arises when your brain makes an instant connection between what's happening in the present and a similar circumstance from your past.' I believe this to be a subconscious act and we therefore cannot be sure what these past memories are exactly, we just respond intuitively to a feeling that displays a certain amount of confusion and uncertainty.
The real problem comes when we experience this feeling but purposefully decide to disregard it, believing that we know better. Big mistake. More often than not, hindsight comes into play and we realise just how insightful our digestive system is. However, even the endurance of realisation is not enough to prevent us from repeating the same mistake again and again. We are so full of self-doubt that we cannot possibly believe that our body might be trying to tell us something. In fact sometimes it can be the opposite, we do understand what the sensation is telling us but feel guilty for the decision it could lead us to, and so feel it is better to go for the easier option and deal with the consequences afterwards. Again usually a big mistake. As with most things in life, the proof is in the pudding. Therefore only when we have refused our gut's perceptive tendencies and received some either ironic or plain annoying retrospection, do we feel truly sorry for doubting it's true ability.
I like to think of intuition in the same grey area as coincidence. They are both concepts human beings cannot understand completely and so we are then afraid of them. When a repeated coincidence occurs we search for a meaning, a reason why something that previously has not entered our minds, is now suddenly appearing everywhere. For example, I managed to live twenty years of my life not knowing about the existence of the 1980s Olivia Newton John musical classic that is Xanadu. However, this year I learnt a medley from the show for a showcase and now cannot escape the dulcet tones of the main number. It has been on three different radio stations, featured in TV programmes and adverts! Do not fear I am not now convinced that the themes in Xanadu are now a metaphor for my life or anything,(even though I do remember being a muse in a past life!..hmmm)
I guess in life we have become comfortable with over-analysing, dissecting and calculating every possible outcome, reason, motive, idea that may be the cause of an involuntary response such as a gut instinct. The more spiritually minded individuals might delve deep into the meanings of certain coincidences, or seemingly fate fuelled occurrences. One quote about intuition describes it as 'going your way without inquiring about the way'. I think this demonstrates how cynical we have become in that however real the feeling is, we cannot trust it to be true.
I have recently asked myself many times why I have not gone with my gut...this is usually because I have gone with my heart instead.
Thursday 4 February 2010
I want the fire back....
I'm enraged with the words of Buffy The Musical in attempt to get back what I have lost. Yes that's right, it has got that bad.
On a serious note I do feel slightly....lost. As I said in a previous post, I don't seem to recognise myself. I'm constantly, questioning, checking, doubting, asking why? It's a natural thing I guess, when we are children we don't need to check anything because everything is decided for us, in the main you have clear boundaries, are told right from wrong, good and bad, given the correct path and so you follow it. Ironically though these rules can usually provoke all the wrong path decisions. The further problem then comes when adulthood arrives. So you make the normal adjustments, move away from home, create an appropriate but necessary distance from your parents and the worlds your oyster. Only what if you have no faith that you will find the pearl?
Of course each case is different. I know some people change childhood dreams about ten times and still end up doing something different. I have had one dream my entire life. That is now somehow part of the problem. Having one dream now seems rather naive. I guess the main rule is that everyday life is an act in itself. It was of course Shakespeare who famously said, 'the world is a stage and the people in it merely players.' Us performers must put on an act in every audition in order to make ourselves believe that we are the best, while also not seeming arrogant. I used to have that ability, or at least I believed I did. That's what it all comes down to in the end. Self belief. People always say no-one will love you if you don't love yourself. However, we as human begins are never able to provide ourselves with this self love as we see it as act of narcissism ,that we judge in other people as a self-obsessed trait. Someone reminded me today that this existence of self-doubt can lead to further paranoia that then overrides any logical thought. I had to agree with this. It showed me that in our butterfly minds we are constantly waiting for the next metamorphosis, forgetting that we have already completed so many, however small or insignificant we believe them to be. Nature must take its course before the next transformation can begin. Our self-doubt and negative thinking will only hinder this process.
A wise man recently told me that before an audition a good amount of nerves is always needed. He said that the aim is to not get rid of the butterflies in your stomach but just to assure that they fly in formation. This analogy can be applied to everything, the world sends us hiccups and obstacles every day,what we must do is refrain from creating more for ourselves which may upset the butterflies in flight.
On a serious note I do feel slightly....lost. As I said in a previous post, I don't seem to recognise myself. I'm constantly, questioning, checking, doubting, asking why? It's a natural thing I guess, when we are children we don't need to check anything because everything is decided for us, in the main you have clear boundaries, are told right from wrong, good and bad, given the correct path and so you follow it. Ironically though these rules can usually provoke all the wrong path decisions. The further problem then comes when adulthood arrives. So you make the normal adjustments, move away from home, create an appropriate but necessary distance from your parents and the worlds your oyster. Only what if you have no faith that you will find the pearl?
Of course each case is different. I know some people change childhood dreams about ten times and still end up doing something different. I have had one dream my entire life. That is now somehow part of the problem. Having one dream now seems rather naive. I guess the main rule is that everyday life is an act in itself. It was of course Shakespeare who famously said, 'the world is a stage and the people in it merely players.' Us performers must put on an act in every audition in order to make ourselves believe that we are the best, while also not seeming arrogant. I used to have that ability, or at least I believed I did. That's what it all comes down to in the end. Self belief. People always say no-one will love you if you don't love yourself. However, we as human begins are never able to provide ourselves with this self love as we see it as act of narcissism ,that we judge in other people as a self-obsessed trait. Someone reminded me today that this existence of self-doubt can lead to further paranoia that then overrides any logical thought. I had to agree with this. It showed me that in our butterfly minds we are constantly waiting for the next metamorphosis, forgetting that we have already completed so many, however small or insignificant we believe them to be. Nature must take its course before the next transformation can begin. Our self-doubt and negative thinking will only hinder this process.
A wise man recently told me that before an audition a good amount of nerves is always needed. He said that the aim is to not get rid of the butterflies in your stomach but just to assure that they fly in formation. This analogy can be applied to everything, the world sends us hiccups and obstacles every day,what we must do is refrain from creating more for ourselves which may upset the butterflies in flight.
Wednesday 3 February 2010
Ralph is my friend.
I met up with a friend for a good old catchup today after six months or so and three hours later I was left a little hoarse but with lots to ponder and be grateful for. I am the kind of person that likes to divulge, share, expose everything, get it all out there and discover the solution aloud. For better or worse, I am lucky as I have some true friends that can act as a soundboard, listen to the tears and angry vents but also laugh at my silly notions and provide a verbal kick up the backside when I need it. Ralph Waldo Emerson, american philosopher and poet echoes my point here, 'A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud.'
I think that friendship is such an important part of our lives that is sometimes just accepted as a prerequisite and taken for granted. It seems there are universal days to remember our family members and public holidays to show appreciation for a partner, but there is not one communal celebration used for our closest comrades who are present through the good, bad, silly or serious. Well, in an ideal world they would be present for those times anyway. Ralph gets it right again, 'It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.'
I have learnt recently that some people have very unusual ideas about what makes a good friend. The fair-weather friend, is available when it suits them and extremely busy every time it suits you. There are the more sheepish mates that prefer to sit on the fence whenever possible, avoid passing an opinion or voicing their sub-text aloud. There's the people that crave excitement and constantly create events, ideas, stories and facts about themselves that are all too dramatic and fantastical to be real, but they believe this enhances their friendship and makes it evermore desirable. There's always one person who prefers to filter between a group of friends passing on opinions and relaying unnecessary information in secret, in denial that this will bring them closer to a chosen member of the group, but in reality it alienates them from everyone. There are the childhood friendships, where you are inseparable with someone for a few years and then owing to circumstances part and never speak again. In opposition you sometimes find the people who are so similar to you that you can rely on them to understand, when you say something everyone else perceives to be completely idiotic! The ones who can sense when you are close to tears even before you do. The people who swallow their pride for you, stick their neck out for you and aren't too proud to say that they miss you.
I think I can safely say I have encountered all these types of friendships at some point in my life so far. Some experiences have been negative but all of them have been an experience shared and that has therefore taught me a great deal. Ralph supports this view also, 'What is so delicious as a just and firm encounter of two, in a thought, in a feeling?'
Coming from somebody who was a late developer in the making friends department, I think I have managed along the way to find myself a solid group of people from the different parts of my life that make-up my true friends, diamonds in the rough that I will endeavour to remain friends with for what I hope to be a lifetime.
"Who hears me, who understands me, becomes mine,--a possession for all time." Ralph Waldo Emerson
I think that friendship is such an important part of our lives that is sometimes just accepted as a prerequisite and taken for granted. It seems there are universal days to remember our family members and public holidays to show appreciation for a partner, but there is not one communal celebration used for our closest comrades who are present through the good, bad, silly or serious. Well, in an ideal world they would be present for those times anyway. Ralph gets it right again, 'It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.'
I have learnt recently that some people have very unusual ideas about what makes a good friend. The fair-weather friend, is available when it suits them and extremely busy every time it suits you. There are the more sheepish mates that prefer to sit on the fence whenever possible, avoid passing an opinion or voicing their sub-text aloud. There's the people that crave excitement and constantly create events, ideas, stories and facts about themselves that are all too dramatic and fantastical to be real, but they believe this enhances their friendship and makes it evermore desirable. There's always one person who prefers to filter between a group of friends passing on opinions and relaying unnecessary information in secret, in denial that this will bring them closer to a chosen member of the group, but in reality it alienates them from everyone. There are the childhood friendships, where you are inseparable with someone for a few years and then owing to circumstances part and never speak again. In opposition you sometimes find the people who are so similar to you that you can rely on them to understand, when you say something everyone else perceives to be completely idiotic! The ones who can sense when you are close to tears even before you do. The people who swallow their pride for you, stick their neck out for you and aren't too proud to say that they miss you.
I think I can safely say I have encountered all these types of friendships at some point in my life so far. Some experiences have been negative but all of them have been an experience shared and that has therefore taught me a great deal. Ralph supports this view also, 'What is so delicious as a just and firm encounter of two, in a thought, in a feeling?'
Coming from somebody who was a late developer in the making friends department, I think I have managed along the way to find myself a solid group of people from the different parts of my life that make-up my true friends, diamonds in the rough that I will endeavour to remain friends with for what I hope to be a lifetime.
"Who hears me, who understands me, becomes mine,--a possession for all time." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Tuesday 2 February 2010
‘It’s just so subjective’...well that’s just a matter of opinion.
The word subjective has been haunting me for some time now. I believe that aside from its original meaning; 'a judgement modified or affected by personal views, experience, or background', the outcome of the terms usage in my experience, is usually associated with negativity and I therefore perceive any use of the word to be an artistic ploy to escape the real situation at hand. Like most colloquialisms it is the epitome of laziness; with no desire to find the appropriate words to help understand a situation, we immediately churn out a well known phrase, understood by all as completely inoffensive as it gives no clear evidence or logical answer. It is championed, anointed and just accepted as a fait accompli. It is the metaphorical, 'sweep it under the rug' statement that by definition defines nothing!
My cynical and perhaps unsubstantiated view of this term is probably it's recent over usage as a reason for unfairness. The regularity that this word appears in my vocabulary or that of others around me in a single day has tripled in recent weeks. The result of my three year degree in musical theatre is drawing near and I look to the person I was when I joined the course. I don't recognise that person....or maybe I don't recognise the person writing this now? The word 'subjective' did not faze me one bit then. I was a big fish from a small pond thrown into a very large pond with lots of other small fishes also struggling to deal with their sudden shrinking size. I was barely eighteen and even though I had grown up with the same dream since the age of five, heard all the stories, endured all the raised eyebrows and remarks of..'That is such a hard business to get into'. I was in complete control of what I wanted and how I was going to achieve it.
Now, two and half years later, with greater knowledge and experience I can barely decide what to wear to an audition, let alone choose the path my life should follow, and be confident that I have the desired skills to lead it there. (Please refrain from making any comments about the typical female obsession with clothes and the need to try on every outfit in the wardrobe, men do it too! This is a complex matter and one I cannot possibly give the full attention to in this post) I am going to squeeze my word of the day back into that sentence. 'The desired subjective skills..' It seems that my entire course is run on the very premise of subjectivity. As you can imagine, when assessment results are in, the bubbling brew of mainly women that is my year group often overspills and tensions run high. It is ironic that I'm complaining as I am attempting to work in a industry where opinions are the gospel and so I forget that in every second of our lives an opinion is formed of us, irrelevant of industry,vocation or the weather. A wise man once told me, that opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one and they all stink! Now that is an objective statement.
I don't think I will ever agree with the use of subjectivity as an excuse for unfairness, however I am learning that you cannot be appreciated by everyone and to echo my previous post, if we spend out lives concentrating on one singular negative judgement made of us we may never get a happy ending. What's a happy ending though? It's just so subjective!
My cynical and perhaps unsubstantiated view of this term is probably it's recent over usage as a reason for unfairness. The regularity that this word appears in my vocabulary or that of others around me in a single day has tripled in recent weeks. The result of my three year degree in musical theatre is drawing near and I look to the person I was when I joined the course. I don't recognise that person....or maybe I don't recognise the person writing this now? The word 'subjective' did not faze me one bit then. I was a big fish from a small pond thrown into a very large pond with lots of other small fishes also struggling to deal with their sudden shrinking size. I was barely eighteen and even though I had grown up with the same dream since the age of five, heard all the stories, endured all the raised eyebrows and remarks of..'That is such a hard business to get into'. I was in complete control of what I wanted and how I was going to achieve it.
Now, two and half years later, with greater knowledge and experience I can barely decide what to wear to an audition, let alone choose the path my life should follow, and be confident that I have the desired skills to lead it there. (Please refrain from making any comments about the typical female obsession with clothes and the need to try on every outfit in the wardrobe, men do it too! This is a complex matter and one I cannot possibly give the full attention to in this post) I am going to squeeze my word of the day back into that sentence. 'The desired subjective skills..' It seems that my entire course is run on the very premise of subjectivity. As you can imagine, when assessment results are in, the bubbling brew of mainly women that is my year group often overspills and tensions run high. It is ironic that I'm complaining as I am attempting to work in a industry where opinions are the gospel and so I forget that in every second of our lives an opinion is formed of us, irrelevant of industry,vocation or the weather. A wise man once told me, that opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one and they all stink! Now that is an objective statement.
I don't think I will ever agree with the use of subjectivity as an excuse for unfairness, however I am learning that you cannot be appreciated by everyone and to echo my previous post, if we spend out lives concentrating on one singular negative judgement made of us we may never get a happy ending. What's a happy ending though? It's just so subjective!
Monday 1 February 2010
A flutter of Glee
For the last month I have contemplated starting a blog, inspired recently by some poetic and meaningful posted words of a few close friends. So here I begin. What held me back before? Fear. Fear of revealing too much? I am unsure. What changed my mind? It was a smile, a small sentence, a wave, a positive judgement, a vote of confidence that there's more to be said, and perhaps I can say it. A flutter of Glee.
I have been writing a diary since I was 16. Once I started that method of therapy I found my home. A place of a constant stream of consciousness, outlining any and every emotion. Getting it down, working it out, screaming into the sheets of paper, carving into the creases, doodling the days away into endless pages of memories. After realising that selecting a random entry and reading it aloud in my true demonstrative style, provoked hours of laughter among friends I was warmly content. The irony of how this private note-taking can provoke humour to both writer and audience epitomises the true therapeutic nature of a diary. My fear was that perhaps this new venture might take the place of actually writing my thoughts. Now I see it will give my diary a modern mate.
Aside from recent bell ringings, reminders that I always loved to write, and watch how words are woven together to create something new, I felt that I needed an new focus. Something separate from my normal week. A distraction?...no an attraction. This is my butterfly mind at its best constantly churning out new ideas to flutter around the old and cocoon beside the confusion. I allowed it to work its magic this evening after pondering over a friend's superb metaphor for life, which in turn provoked me to write this post at 3am when I have a 9 hour day at uni tomorrow!
While watching the final episode of my new favourite series I saw how humans are subconsciously controlled by the need for a happy ending. There is something transcribed in our minds that happy means complete and therefore the end of something. In the last few minutes I found myself wishing with every ounce of my being for the secrets to be uncovered, the lies to be banished and the perfect couple to finally get their kiss. Upon this completion I felt a tear escape and for those of you that are aware of the terminology I realised that I was an honorary Gleek! Aside from this, it also reminded me that in the most part, what we choose to watch or read is an escapism route made to hopefully result in some form of pleasure. Now whatever that pleasure may be is truly subjective. A term I have come to know very well. (It will be explored further in later posts I am sure) The irony of this however, is that when something good or positive, however small, happens to us in reality, we immediately overlook it or banish it to the pack of the pile, while the injustices and confusions of daily life remain close therefore keeping us always in search of a happy ending.
I wonder if in your dreams tonight you can avoid this subconscious human normality and ask yourself - when did you last feel a flutter of Glee?
I have been writing a diary since I was 16. Once I started that method of therapy I found my home. A place of a constant stream of consciousness, outlining any and every emotion. Getting it down, working it out, screaming into the sheets of paper, carving into the creases, doodling the days away into endless pages of memories. After realising that selecting a random entry and reading it aloud in my true demonstrative style, provoked hours of laughter among friends I was warmly content. The irony of how this private note-taking can provoke humour to both writer and audience epitomises the true therapeutic nature of a diary. My fear was that perhaps this new venture might take the place of actually writing my thoughts. Now I see it will give my diary a modern mate.
Aside from recent bell ringings, reminders that I always loved to write, and watch how words are woven together to create something new, I felt that I needed an new focus. Something separate from my normal week. A distraction?...no an attraction. This is my butterfly mind at its best constantly churning out new ideas to flutter around the old and cocoon beside the confusion. I allowed it to work its magic this evening after pondering over a friend's superb metaphor for life, which in turn provoked me to write this post at 3am when I have a 9 hour day at uni tomorrow!
While watching the final episode of my new favourite series I saw how humans are subconsciously controlled by the need for a happy ending. There is something transcribed in our minds that happy means complete and therefore the end of something. In the last few minutes I found myself wishing with every ounce of my being for the secrets to be uncovered, the lies to be banished and the perfect couple to finally get their kiss. Upon this completion I felt a tear escape and for those of you that are aware of the terminology I realised that I was an honorary Gleek! Aside from this, it also reminded me that in the most part, what we choose to watch or read is an escapism route made to hopefully result in some form of pleasure. Now whatever that pleasure may be is truly subjective. A term I have come to know very well. (It will be explored further in later posts I am sure) The irony of this however, is that when something good or positive, however small, happens to us in reality, we immediately overlook it or banish it to the pack of the pile, while the injustices and confusions of daily life remain close therefore keeping us always in search of a happy ending.
I wonder if in your dreams tonight you can avoid this subconscious human normality and ask yourself - when did you last feel a flutter of Glee?
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