A flutter of Glee

For the last month I have contemplated starting a blog, inspired recently by some poetic and meaningful posted words of a few close friends. So here I begin. What held me back before? Fear. Fear of revealing too much? I am unsure. What changed my mind? It was a smile, a small sentence, a wave, a positive judgement, a vote of confidence that there's more to be said, and perhaps I can say it. A flutter of Glee.

I have been writing a diary since I was 16. Once I started that method of therapy I found my home. A place of a constant stream of consciousness, outlining any and every emotion. Getting it down, working it out, screaming into the sheets of paper, carving into the creases, doodling the days away into endless pages of memories. After realising that selecting a random entry and reading it aloud in my true demonstrative style, provoked hours of laughter among friends I was warmly content. The irony of how this private note-taking can provoke humour to both writer and audience epitomises the true therapeutic nature of a diary. My fear was that perhaps this new venture might take the place of actually writing my thoughts. Now I see it will give my diary a modern mate.

Aside from recent bell ringings, reminders that I always loved to write, and watch how words are woven together to create something new, I felt that I needed an new focus. Something separate from my normal week. A distraction?...no an attraction. This is my butterfly mind at its best constantly churning out new ideas to flutter around the old and cocoon beside the confusion. I allowed it to work its magic this evening after pondering over a friend's superb metaphor for life, which in turn provoked me to write this post at 3am when I have a 9 hour day at uni tomorrow!

While watching the final episode of my new favourite series I saw how humans are subconsciously controlled by the need for a happy ending. There is something transcribed in our minds that happy means complete and therefore the end of something. In the last few minutes I found myself wishing with every ounce of my being for the secrets to be uncovered, the lies to be banished and the perfect couple to finally get their kiss. Upon this completion I felt a tear escape and for those of you that are aware of the terminology I realised that I was an honorary Gleek! Aside from this, it also reminded me that in the most part, what we choose to watch or read is an escapism route made to hopefully result in some form of pleasure. Now whatever that pleasure may be is truly subjective. A term I have come to know very well. (It will be explored further in later posts I am sure) The irony of this however, is that when something good or positive, however small, happens to us in reality, we immediately overlook it or banish it to the pack of the pile, while the injustices and confusions of daily life remain close therefore keeping us always in search of a happy ending.

I wonder if in your dreams tonight you can avoid this subconscious human normality and ask yourself - when did you last feel a flutter of Glee?