Internet dating or Internet failing?

It's 2014 and gone are the days of courting and romantic letter writing. Now whatsapping, social media stalking and snapchat are the introduction to any potential love interest. If you haven't liked their photo on Facebook, tweeted them or found them on a dating website then it seems you cannot expect true love!

I myself have been trying out a few dating websites over the past few years as have many people I know. In fact internet dating popularity spans various ages and experiences; divorcees looking for new love, youngsters looking for fun or even women searching for 'the one' they are all there.

The days of meeting somebody on a night out are old hat, they are usually fuelled by alcohol and the relationship rarely leads to anything more serious as the promised text of the next day almost never arrives. What about meeting someone through a friend or at work? That can happen but now our lives are so rushed and crammed full, that trying to squeeze in another person takes time and effort and sometimes more change to your daily routine than you expected.

For some reason internet dating seems more appealing, it's less committal, you check your page at the end of the night and reply to a few messages. There's an instant ego boost - somebody out there finds me attractive - whether you like them or not is irrelevant you can now go to bed slightly more fulfilled than you were when you woke up. A pattern is now formed and that repeats but you don't seem to notice.

You may go on a few dates from these websites, but in my experience you rarely get to date number 2. Each app's own feature where you can scroll left or right over each face is addictive and creates brand new boxes that each prospect needs to tick. You become paranoid that you are fussy when you don't find somebody attractive, as you insist that you want compatibility and chemistry, but then beat yourself up when a guy who seemed interested suddenly stops replying.

It's instant gratification at its best. Instant communication; instant ego boost, instant flirtation, instant feeling and therefore instant disappointment and instant heartache. Everything is at the swipe of your keypad and the click of your camera. More often than not you are invested in a person before even actually meeting them!

The immediate feature of everything the internet has to offer is actually the cause of more stress and upset than help in the dating game. Before mobile phones you made a date and stuck to it and didn't really speak in between. Now there are days of texting involved and hours of waiting as you see that they last read your text 4 hours before! Facebook says they are online and they are ignoring you, they tweeted an hour ago but didn't reply to yours, its brain ache!

Drew Barrymore's line from the film He's just not that into you makes this exact point,

"I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work, and so I called him at home, and he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting."

Now 5 years on instead of learning from this, the problem is even worse. A new website Hetexted.com is a relationship advice platform where women can upload pictures of text conversations they had with men and seek advice on why they haven't responded or what their text actually means. The value of a single text is now likened to that of an actual date it requires so much analysing afterwards! Internet dating is fashionable and social media is the norm and both become so easy and accessible you forget what your main focus was at the start of it all - to find someone who wants a relationship and hopefully fall in love.

In our attempt to search for this we have made it more complex and ultimately more stressful. It's easy to say don't look for it and it will find you, but unfortunately that is not the case anymore. Everyone is looking for it and it seems what they are finding is instant and exciting but not altogether that incredible or everlasting.

The Warm and Fuzzy feeling

I am of course referring to the rather nice but rare feeling found after snuggling up with a mug of hot chocolate; sitting by a fire in the winter, receiving a piece of good news, or a nice gift, or returning from a successful first date. (Or anything that involves romance!)

The feeling is usually followed by an involuntary need to grin like a Cheshire cat from ear to ear. This grinning cannot be prevented and can last from 5 minutes to 3 days depending on how intense the warm and fuzzy feeling is. In fact the smiling is so much that it usually prevents the recipient from talking. It can also be accompanied by high pitched screams of excitement and the recipient may also find that they are glowing with happiness.

After informing everyone that will listen of their reasons for this feeling, and enduring their friends giggles, taunts and proud smiles, the recipient is left content and a little warm but not as fuzzy. The feeling is so intense at first that once gone it is mourned and becomes addictive and then craved by the recipient if they do not experience it at regular intervals. For example, like an addiction one might have to Starbucks frappuccinos :) (no idea who would have that by the way!)

While awaiting their next fix of warm and fuzziness, the recipient may worry what may happen if their new found positivity is suddenly taken away. They are filled with the fear that after experiencing something so intense and fulfilling that they may be left empty again and the blow may be too hard to bear. I mean, after tasting real chocolate who really wants anything chocolate flavoured? The recipient may also wonder if they have been deceived or tricked and what they experienced wasn't a warm and fuzzy feeling at all. (You know Ashton Kutcher can pop out from behind a bush at anytime people!)

All these worries of course are controlled and produced by our need to be realistic and often controlled by a subconscious tendency to be cynical and expect the worst. This does not remedy well with the Warm and Fuzzy feeling, that exists to shine an element of the fantastical on everyday life. We all try not to dwell on fantasies nowadays as it often leads to disappointment. Therefore it is hard to believe that the Warm and Fuzzy feeling is A) happening at all and B) if we really deserve it.

I guess the greeting on the Warm and Fuzzy gift card should read:

"The Recipient must enjoy this comfortably and openly in every way possible. They must not disguise it any way, but embrace it and avoid any negative or cynical thoughts. If these rules are breached the Warm and Fuzzy fairy might revoke their card - Feelings may vary, Terms & Conditions apply"

Well, if we are going to live in fantasy world, we might as well make it legal!