Too happy?

Lately I have been contemplating the notion that we can sometimes be too happy. I know initially that idea sounds inconceivable, as surely happiness is something we always crave for and wish to have in our lives. Yet, by placing the 'too' in front of the word it suggests that there is an excess of this feeling. The idea that we have overdosed in something so positive does not seem possible.

The phrase 'Too happy' could also suggest an idea that the happiness feels too good to be true. The hint of excess is still there, however the fear it may not be there forever is also implied.

In life we sometimes have to take a chance and put our faith in other people. This is a frightening concept as we then become vulnerable. While it is cynical to consider that all humans are capable of deception, we are always taught to look for out for our own best interests. While happy, we can't help but wonder if one day the bliss we are enveloped in will change, or cease to exist completely.

It could be considered foolish to analyse our happiness. Some might say that humans can never be truly happy as they are always second guessing, sensing foul play or waiting to for it to disappear completely. These people are not enjoying the present while in fear for the future. They want to have more control. However, while they are controlling an excess of happiness they may also be preventing any happiness at all.

Therefore I choose to eliminate the 'too' and stay with just 'happy'. Why should I waste precious moments of a feeling that could remain? Though there is a possibility it could one day be gone, I will always have the memory of when it came to visit :)

Guess who?

Thought as the time was drawing near, I should share my feelings on the public holiday of 14th February. Yes that's right, Valentines Day.

St Valentine, was actually the name of many Saints who were killed in Ancient Rome. We do not know if this day celebrates all or just one of them. According to Jack Oruch, the tradition of Valentines Day did not exist until Geoffrey Chaucer created it in his fictional stories. Which brings me nicely onto the fact that we as a modern society have created our own version of a tradition that has become mainly a shopkeepers delight and a customers despair.

As soon as February begins, all the shops decorate their windows in red with lots of cupids and hearts, all fit for a Tin Man's convention. In particular, florists, chocolate shops and perfumeries expect a vast amount of business at this time, as they sell the normal gifts associated with this time of year at extortionate prices. In America alone, Valentines Day generates about £9 million - Is that the price of love? I guess no girl can ever refuse a bouquets of perfect red roses. (Well unless she is allergic of course) Chocolate is the way to anyone's heart these days and cute cards never fail to be romantic. Card websites such as moonpig.com sell personalised cards which are a sure success. However one read ' Andrew you and I are pretty usual. I am pretty and you are usual'. Anyone who sends that card is surely missing the point, maybe they think Valentines Day means 'dumping day!'

Now there are many opinions about the necessity of Valentines Day. Some believe it is just a product of consumerism designed to exploit the public and tarnish one of the true and honest things we have left in life; love. Others however enjoy the date, as they see it as an excuse to devote time and attention to their partner, that they wouldn't normally be able to. The argument to this however is, that couples should say 'I love you' everyday and so should not need to feel united by a date in order to show their love. Some however would say that an overuse of the phrase destroys its honesty and so they save it for personal special occasions only and not ones universally accepted.

I find that the importance of Valentines Day to a couple usually depends on the length of their relationship. Those in the honeymoon period might use the day as an excuse to be romantic, on the other hand a married couple might use it to re-capture their romance. I guess the whole premise is very subjective (There goes that word again!)

The single most infuriating aspect of the holiday has to be that its existence ensures that anyone who is single on that faithful date feels more alone and undesirable than any other day. I would guess that the most affected are single women who often feel like they need a man in order to function, or those recently dumped by a partner or even widowers. It is funny to think that a man-made tradition has become so widely observed and considered over the years that we allow it to take over our lives and our emotions. There are even Anti-Valentines Day bashes in some parts of America for those that want to openly show their distaste for the commercialised day!

Valentines day at my Secondary school was always fun, there would be a red post box at the front, where people could post their valentines. This was of course great for those that received multiples and humiliating for those that sat with none come February 14th (that was me...) Some parents acknowledged the difficulties of this and often wrote and sent mystery valentines to their children, so they would invest in the excitement of guessing who might have written to them, rather than commiserating their absent card. (I got one a few years running and knew it was my Mum!...if it wasn't please come forward now!)

Seems it all comes back again to this need for a happy ending...or maybe just a need to feel happy, a need for something out of the ordinary, something to look forward to, a need to be spoilt, to feel special, to feel important, to feel loved. I guess we all get used to our everyday lives and if that life includes a partner we get used to them being there and forget sometimes how much they mean to us or how empty we would feel if they were not there anymore.

One of the nice things this day achieves is the belief that it is okay to be demonstrative with love. We can openly and loudly tell someone we love them and not feel embarrassed or exposed but just content and happy that they want to hear it. Shakespeare sums this up beautifully in Macbeth, 'A heart to love, and in that heart, courage, to make love know.'

‘It’s just so subjective’...well that’s just a matter of opinion.

The word subjective has been haunting me for some time now. I believe that aside from its original meaning; 'a judgement modified or affected by personal views, experience, or background', the outcome of the terms usage in my experience, is usually associated with negativity and I therefore perceive any use of the word to be an artistic ploy to escape the real situation at hand. Like most colloquialisms it is the epitome of laziness; with no desire to find the appropriate words to help understand a situation, we immediately churn out a well known phrase, understood by all as completely inoffensive as it gives no clear evidence or logical answer. It is championed, anointed and just accepted as a fait accompli. It is the metaphorical, 'sweep it under the rug' statement that by definition defines nothing!

My cynical and perhaps unsubstantiated view of this term is probably it's recent over usage as a reason for unfairness. The regularity that this word appears in my vocabulary or that of others around me in a single day has tripled in recent weeks. The result of my three year degree in musical theatre is drawing near and I look to the person I was when I joined the course. I don't recognise that person....or maybe I don't recognise the person writing this now? The word 'subjective' did not faze me one bit then. I was a big fish from a small pond thrown into a very large pond with lots of other small fishes also struggling to deal with their sudden shrinking size. I was barely eighteen and even though I had grown up with the same dream since the age of five, heard all the stories, endured all the raised eyebrows and remarks of..'That is such a hard business to get into'. I was in complete control of what I wanted and how I was going to achieve it.

Now, two and half years later, with greater knowledge and experience I can barely decide what to wear to an audition, let alone choose the path my life should follow, and be confident that I have the desired skills to lead it there. (Please refrain from making any comments about the typical female obsession with clothes and the need to try on every outfit in the wardrobe, men do it too! This is a complex matter and one I cannot possibly give the full attention to in this post) I am going to squeeze my word of the day back into that sentence. 'The desired subjective skills..' It seems that my entire course is run on the very premise of subjectivity. As you can imagine, when assessment results are in, the bubbling brew of mainly women that is my year group often overspills and tensions run high. It is ironic that I'm complaining as I am attempting to work in a industry where opinions are the gospel and so I forget that in every second of our lives an opinion is formed of us, irrelevant of industry,vocation or the weather. A wise man once told me, that opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one and they all stink! Now that is an objective statement.

I don't think I will ever agree with the use of subjectivity as an excuse for unfairness, however I am learning that you cannot be appreciated by everyone and to echo my previous post, if we spend out lives concentrating on one singular negative judgement made of us we may never get a happy ending. What's a happy ending though? It's just so subjective!