The Missing Piece.

Started writing in my diary thinking this was something I didn't want to share with the world, then changed my mind. As how can you be afraid to share what you don't have?

Watched 'Dear John' this evening and in addition to sobbing for most of the film I got thinking. I absolutely knew that as it's from the same writers as 'The Notebook ', it would be a heart-wrenching romantic film and I therefore expected to cry but not for the reason I did. Ironically and probably quite ignorantly what made me the most upset was the fact that I could not understand how they felt, having not not known that type of love in my life yet. The type of love I call - The missing piece.

You know the type of love I mean right? Well maybe you don't. Love that consumes you, love that keeps you breathing. Love that keeps you awake at night and gives you a reason to wake up in the morning. Love that is your moon, stars and sun. The type of love that once you find it you can't imagine letting it go and the thought of that ever happening fills you with indescribable fear. Love where you know the bad and good and it doesn't matter. Love that makes you so frustrated and then so fulfilled at the same time. Love that completes you. Love like Romeo and Juliet, Elizabeth and Mr Darcy, Pocahontas and John Smith and of course love like Bella and Edward.

I am of course aware that with all the good, love can also bring pain and heartache. Which in turn provides a way for us to learn, grow, adapt and change. Without it I therefore feel I am missing an opportunity, missing a piece in my life. Is something missing or am I just missing out on something? The sensible answer it that it is just not the right time for me to experience this 'something'. Who knows? Who cares? Well annoyingly enough I do and that is a good point. The more time and effort I spend caring and worrying about my empty space, is probably what delays the missing piece from finding it. Ironic and irritatingly sensible, this discovery doesn't make the process any easier.

I constantly remind people about how I have no interest in marriage and kids, but yet I wish for something linked with those two things to complete me in a way that one day they will also. I feel without any knowledge of real love how can I imagine myself devoting my life to it. Irrelevant of my age and the fact that I am just starting out in life, I feel behind and confused because I don't know why. Life isn't a race and love is not always a bed of roses and films only show love that is fake right? I believe that anyone who feels this, has found themselves in a similar predicament to me and handles it by being bitter.

Maybe I am behind. Maybe I am missing a piece. Or maybe I am just making a puzzle of everything. All I will say is that when or if I ever do find the missing piece, I will do everything and anything I can to make sure it is a perfect fit. By perfect I don't mean a fantasy, I mean perfectly real. A perfectly real missing piece for a perfectly real puzzle.